It’ Called Self-What?

It’s called self-care and yes you need it!

We all do. As a matter of fact I don’t know how we made it this far in life without it. I know you read a lot about self-care online or even in community groups. It’s a topic that should never go away, because we all need to be reminded on the importance of taking care of ourselves. 

You know how routine it is to take care of our children, go to work, cook, clean, help with homework, and put them to bed?  (Sheesh, I’m exhausted just by typing). We do this on a daily all to go to bed and wake up and do it all over again. It’s a struggle out here for us parents, and “adulting” does not get easier, especially if we continue to ignore ourselves. We get in this routine lifestyle and think this is how life is. We might sneak off and do something here and there, but self-care is something we have to be intentional about. 

It’s hard to think we have to schedule time for ourselves, but this is the world we live in. When we “pencil” ourselves in we can carve out some time and you will be surprise what happens when you start with that. Allow that time to be for you and NOONE else. If you are having trouble, I am glad you stopped by because you will leave with a little bit more information to help you get back to making sure “you are okay”. 

 So what is Self-Care you ask? 

      Its anything we do intentionally to take care of ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally.   

This is what can get ignored especially when it comes to our mental and emotional health because it’s not anything we can physically see. No one can walk up to you and say oh, I see you’re emotionally and mentally drained, let me help you with that. Now if you look disheveled and appear to be tired then the physical part of you is noticed…yes, but it takes for someone to talk to you to see or hear that you are emotionally or mentally drained. 

I know sometimes I feel like I cut myself short because I don’t get a chance to take a break. I go into work mode during the day and then mommy mode when I pick our son up from daycare in the evenings. By the time I get him settled into bed, I am too tired to do anything. I may watch a show, or pay a few bills but after that it’s on to bed to prepare for the next day. I needed a break from this routine. It’s pretty obvious this structure is not going anywhere. Our son has to eat, go to daycare, and receive attention at home. I have to go to work to make sure the bills are paid and to provide food for our family, so not working is inevitable. I started to feel like I was getting robbed. I would question, “is this what my world has come down to?”I noticed a change in my mood and became easily frustrated, especially since my husband kept himself busy. He was able to leave when he wanted to or spend time with friends, kick back and engage in sports. But why wasn’t I? That’s when I realized he was living intentionally and putting himself on a schedule and I was still on the routine track. So I knew I had to do something, and by doing so I started with a list.

 Here are a few things I did to help create some time for self-care.  

1.    Created A List: 

Who knew this was important? I didn’t think a list mattered in my life. I wrote down all the things I liked to do when I was by myself. I had to really think because it has been some time since it was just me. Some of the things I came up with were: listen to music, go to a museum, read a book, go to the salon, exercise, get a massage, take a walk, or go to the mall. Those kinds of things made me feel at peace. I jot this down in my planner and moved on to the next step. 

2.    Find Time: 

This might be the tricky part, but it is possible. I looked on the calendar to see what day I was available. I spoke to my husband to see if he can pick up our son for my self-care day. I looked at the entire month and read all the things I had to do. There were days I was able to choose from and I put myself down on the day I felt was best. After talking to my husband about it I assured I would have a day to myself and not have to worry about anything or anyone else. 

3.    Reach Out: 

Finding childcare can be a challenge sometimes. I know, and not everyone has someone designated to watch their little one(s). It’s critical to you and your health to have a friend or family member to help out when it comes to your needs. If you cannot find someone, try to schedule a mental health day, or PTO while your child or children are in school. There may be a day when you have a doctor’s appointment and you have to leave work early, fit some time in for yourself. However, if you can reach out to someone, this would be ideal. You may have a friend who has issues with finding childcare too, reach out to that person and see if you two can take turns when it comes to your self-care days. 

4.    Stick to the Plan:

That’s right stick to it! If you planned a self-care day, make sure you use it! Look at your list and figure out what you want to do for that day. If you can only do one you are one step ahead. If you can only spend a hour or two at the salon then do one thing and the next time do another thing on your list. It’s refreshing and rewarding knowing you were able to do something even if it’s going to get a cup of coffee and people watch. Enjoy and live in the moment.

5.    Do it Again: 

This is so important. If you don’t remember anything else remember to plan another self-care day. If you can do it weekly or monthly then so be it, but PUT YOURSELF ON SCHEDULE! This allows you to have something to look forward to, even if it’s once a month. It’s kind of like when you countdown to vacation from work…only its vacation from your daily routine! 

Each time you have a self-care day I encourage you to write down how it has made you feel. Write down your thoughts before and after your first self-care day, and follow up with the next one. See if there’s any improvement in your mood. You will start to feel like you are putting yourself first again, even if it’s for a few hours. Sometimes the hardest part is getting started, but I assure you once you get one self-care day in, you will be sure to find time for another one. Also, if you are going to the salon, make an appointment instead of doing a walk-in, that way you can assure that you will be seen at that time and it makes the appointment more of a luxury as opposed to rushing because you have to get back home. This was a valuable lesson I learned and I refuse to do any walk-in appointments from here on out. Your time is important and even if it is for yourself, you have to make sure people respect it. 

Mental Note Assignment: start planning for your self-care day. Let me know how it went or how you feel about it. Let me know how it works out and if you are having any difficulties reach out to me! I would love to help.

A Conversation Can Change A LIFE

I often wonder how my life would have been if I had someone to rely on for support. Truthfully, I don’t think I would have struggled as long as I did.

If someone had been available to listen to my problems as I struggled with the reality of becoming a young adult. Or listen to me struggle through my first heartbreak, and faced the challenges of God cutting people out of my life, indefinitely. I didn’t have that conversation with anyone, as a matter of fact, no one came to mind because everyone was living their life. Friends and family had so much going and talking to me was draining. People had their own issues and mines was just not a priority.

The thoughts of not being here started to become clear. People didn’t want to hear what I had to say anyway, so why bother, right? 

To be quite honest, I am glad I didn’t listen to my thoughts. I am proud of myself for regaining focus and identifying my purpose in life. I knew my purpose was bigger than any failed relationship I was dealing with at the time. I choose me, to live my truth, and to press forward despite the hardship and lonely nights that came with it.  

After undergrad I came up with the bright idea to move out of Pennsylvania. I wanted a new life, not realizing I was taking myself away from my support system. I didn’t think nor cared about that at the time. I just knew I wanted a fresh start and moving to a new state was what I had in mind. I was a college grad and came into the workforce during The Recession. It ended in June of 2009 but the effects were at an all-time high for a college kid with no promising career.  The minimal income barely was enough to pay the bulk of my bills and I had to work overtime just to get by. Going back home to visit family was just a thought, and a pain that irritated my stomach especially around the holidays.  My daily pattern consisted of me coming home from work and getting right in the bed. Dinner was an afterthought. I wanted to soak in my sorry and I didn’t care what that meant to my body.  

Thoughts will get the best of you

Our thoughts can lead us down a dark path to destruction, however I was in the right place at the right time. The were some benefits to working at a psychiatric hospital and staying busy was not one of them. I learned so much about myself and obtain useful information, one which some of us know as coping sklls. And yes I was a psychology major and had experience working with people in the mental health field, however when it’s you, those thoughts that circulate in your head feels different. I had to find my reason for living, I had to get back into my purpose and that did not happen overnight. There was a part of me that wanted to stay sad, feel hopeless, and depressed and it took a while for those emotions to diminish. It took patience and perseverance to want to do better. The road appears to be inaccessible when you feel hopeless but I was able to pull myself together by the grace of God on my side.

Consistency is key but first we have to get there

I didn’t understand the importance of active listening until I was forced to do so. At worked we had to take notes and conduct staff talks. We talked with the patients about their day and be the soundboard they needed at that moment. Some staff talks were brief but most time consuming, but in a good way. I knew patients wanted to talk and get whatever they were stressing about off of their minds. Some of them were looking for advice while others wanted the support. Our main focus was to listen to what they were saying and report our conversation, the goal was for the psychiatrist to read the notes and see if the conversations coincide with their behaviors. As I listened to people talk about their struggles, losing their job, house, spouse, children, and whatever else life threw at them I became attentive, and the desire to want to help others grew intensively.

We need it more than you think. 

Discussions about mental health awareness is spreading across the country. People are open to talking about mental health and wanting to understand the dynamics and what it entails. More individuals are coming forward and connecting with others who are vocal about their illness. Taking a mental health day from work and learning the importance of self-care is highly encouraged and people are becoming comfortable stating when they need one. There are social media post, podcast, and blogs, about depression, anxiety, bipolar, and a list of countless mental health disorders at the disposal of everyone’s fingertips. It’s a priority that needs to be addressed and to be honest I am intrigued to see what lies ahead for the mental health community.  

The value of SUPPORT.

After finding hope in my own life, building confidence, and creating structure only prompt me to want to help others. I figured if people in the hospital felt like this, imagine how many people are living without hope that don’t get through those hospital doors. It takes a lot for someone to seek help, to admit that they are broken and need that boost of assurance to reenter into their life. It takes GUTS to surrender and not a lot of people are willing to do that WHEN they have believe their status will be judged. 

Support can change a life, as a matter of fact it WILL change a life. There are 24 hours in a day and after you spend an hour with your therapist, psychiatrist, or any mental health professional you still have the rest of the day to tackle. Who can you count on to help you during your darkest hour, to check up on you, or make sure your thoughts are not triggered?

Support doesn’t have to come with advice and it doesn’t have to know all the answers. Support is when someone is simply there not passing judgement and letting you know they will go through life with you, every step of the way. 

Community Conversation 

What support do you need? Are you are support to someone? Do you know what it takes to provide help to someone who struggles mentally?   

Your Awareness is My Awareness: Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Many of us know about Breast Cancer Awareness month. Many commercials, billboards, and advertisement is discussed throughout the year. Many of us know individuals who were effected by breast cancer. It’s a great moment for some but a devastating reminder for others.  People reminisce the journey their loved one took prior to saying their final goodbye’s. It can be a bunch of mixed emotions especially for those whose wounds are not yet healed. It’s important we check on our family members and occupy the space they need at this time. 

In addition to Breast Cancer Awareness, we have other awareness like Domestic Violence Awareness and Health Awareness. Some people do not like to go to the doctors, or downplay any pain they may be feeling. I know we can’t change individuals but when we have conversations and provide people with information, this may help when it comes to seeking professional help about healthcare. Encourage others to get physicals, check-ups, and the importance of having a dedicated primary care physician. There are a lot of men, (especially in the black community) that do not believe medical maintenance is important. I encourage you to ask a few men in your family if they have a primary care physician, and if they do ask when was the last time they had a physical? You would be surprise by the response and for many of our young men, they believe they are okay, therefore they don’t engage in preventative care. 

Domestic Violence happens in our communities, whether you know it or not. There are shelters and programs for victims, however additional information is strongly encouraged. I went to a public place and in the bathroom stall there was information about domestic abuse. I thought that was such a brilliant idea to have this information in a common yet secret area. It’s are time to make the awareness known, have the number in your phone and available for someone if the conversation comes up. Be an advocate for someone who is experiencing domestic violence, and allow that person to know they have support. Domestic Violence hotline number is 1−800−799−7233 their website is located here.

22 Ways to Help a Friend with Breast Cancer-Health

There are things we need to remember when we have friends that are struggling with any issues. 

Be There:  this may sound like a no brainer but being in someone’s presence is valuable. You don’t have to lecture them, or tell them your story. Just allow them to have the space and opportunity to express how they feel IF THEY WANT TO. Don’t try to beat it out of them or over talk them if/when they decide to express themselves. This is critical because over talking someone can disturb their thinking. I had to learn how to hold my thoughts whenever someone is speaking, this is not always an easy task, however if you are aware of it, you can stop yourself from interrupting someone’s thoughts. You never know, that might be their one moment they truly express how they feel. So be mindful. 

Be Kind: don’t go asking a thousand and one questions. This can be disturbing. What matters most is your motives. We all have been in a situation when we don’t want to hear harsh words right? So respect others and be considered of their feelings. 

Show Action: if you say you are going to do something then do it. Simple as that, no if’s and’s or but’s about it. No one likes someone who makes broken promises. If you tell someone you are available for whatever they need be sure to stick to your word. Don’t turn that person away when/if they ask you for help, especially if you offered to do so! 

No Judgement: some people may already feel shameful, they don’t know what to do and they may be at a point where they are nervous to ask for help. Sometimes people don’t want to feel like a charity case. Watch your body language and facial expressions when people open up to share what they are dealing with. We have to be mindful that people are sensitive, we ourselves alone are sensitive, so let’s consider people’s thoughts and embrace them for choosing us to open up to. 

Find ways to ask someone “how can I help” and leave it at that. Don’t badger them about the situation and remember they can talk about it once they are ready to. We live in a world of instant gratification, so at times we want to know something right now. However this is not one of those moments. If someone tells you that they don’t need anything or can’t think of a way that you can help them, ask them again at a later time in life. Remind them that you are there and explain how you can help them is important to you. 

 Our social support says a lot about us individually, and it also says a lot about those who have good support systems. People who have others they can depend on appears to have positive outcomes. They are motivated to go to the doctors and follow up on treatment. They are willing to express themselves and know they have a people that will give them valid views and information. They are also happier than someone who do not have anyone to turn to.

Make sure you are that person’s support system. Also, make sure you have a stable support system in return. There should be at least one person you can depend on, think about that person and after you read this call them and thank them for being a good supporter in your life. 

 Let’s continue the conversation: 

Who is a part of your support system? How do they help you and what do you do to help others you support?

It's Easy to Cheat

Some of you may wonder why a wife and mother would talk about this. But in fact I ask…why not? We all do it at some point in our lives, others do it more than most. I actually think this is a topic we need to talk about. Besides, who wants to keep ending with the same results…unsatisfied. 

For some who are still at a lost I am talking about cheating on yourself. We set goals at the top of our morning, just to put it off for the next day. Or how about we work so hard for a few days and then stop when we feel like the hard work was enough. It’s never enough, even when you accomplish your goals you still have more hard work to do in order to be satisfied. 

With that being said. We all have goals. 

But how often are we attaining to them? That’s why it’s important to stay grounded and around other people who are “passion pushers”. These are the ones that will help you push your purpose. They get excited when you talk about your plans and find ways to brainstorm with you. They want to see you win and they are not all in it for themselves. I’ve learned over the last few weeks how much I have cheated on myself and I was baffled. It takes being intentional to work on your goals and yourself. It takes disciple and for those who became successful had to sit out on a party or two, or had to take a rain check to meet a group of friends for dinner. It takes patience and willingness to be determined even when the results don’t come into play. 

I eat. 

I put myself on a lifestyle change by not eating meat. I also workout continuously and seen some improvement in my running and other cardio exercise. However, I would cheat here and there, eating something I don’t have no business consuming. Not eating meat made it difficult to get full from time to time. I would find myself eating cakes, cookies, sweets, and other things that were not green and leafy. I got tired of having this sweet tooth that I knew if I wanted to lose the weight I had to refrain from eating sugar…bottom line. I still struggle to this day, but I know each day I have to be intentional to not want to cheat myself by indulging in chocolate or anything that pertains sugar. 

I procrastinate.

People know me as a go getter. I started this magazine last year with just an idea and had the first issue published in at the top of this year. But I have a tendency to be hesitant to email someone back or set a price for a magazine. One of the reasons is because I am nervous and afraid of the response, which leads to procrastination. I will think of other things to do in the house until I am ready to answer an email. (Now I won’t let it sit for too long, but the excitement turns into fear). And I know if I am dealing with this someone else is too. Being fearful of what can happen leads to nothing moving. I think everyone becomes nervous or fearful when it’s time to present their craft, because of the unexpected. Just think about the moment you had to give your first presentation. You probably didn’t want to do it, or was scared that you would stumble over your words, but the satisfaction after it was over is what we all wait for. Why put in the hard work not to present? That’s what I have to remind myself sometimes when it comes to Helpful Living Magazine, I put in so much time, recruiting articles, talking to different people and conducting interviews, all to let it sit on my computer and not be shared with the world? I think not. 

I desire. Therefore I deliver. 

When I noticed my vision I witness what it could do for people. I opened my turquoise notebook and started writing. The ideas were limitless and each point I became excited. I had a feeling in my soul that this was right, and it was only a matter of time before people discovered what I do. I had it all brainstormed and even laid out my articles for the first issue, I had prospects and I knew it was only a matter of time before I reached out. I met with people, made new friendships, and discovered new ways to help those who are dealing with mental health issues. Boy was I excited, and I had every right to be. No one that I knew was doing this and I knew I wanted to break barriers and change someone’s life. 

But then the desire dwindled and one thing led to another, I got busy, but the desire was at the back of my mind. And that’s what happens to a lot of people who pursue to push their purpose. We all have been there before. It’s called life. We get tired from time to time and struggle with having the energy to make that phone call or write that blog post. Despite how we feel we have to live purposefully and allocate time to complete our daily task.

So now it’s your turn.

 Are you tired of cheating? Doesn’t it get exhausting after having the same end result? So what are you going to do about it? Some people find it difficult to gain clarity of be around people that have the same desires. If that is the case I say get involved in a Facebook group or go on Meetup.com and see if there is a space where you can link up with likeminded individuals. It’s worth the effort and you never know, someone may spark an interest that you leased expected for your business venture. 

So live intentionally and even if it’s just a 30 minutes to an hour a day, be sure you do something pertaining to building your business. Think of things that you can stop doing (like watching TV or idle time on social media) use that time to focus on your goals. And even if you are a TV connoisseur find time in between commercials to make a post, send an email, or write that blog. Trust me, there are people out there that are waiting for your purpose to flourish. The world is waiting and what better way to start than right now. The change starts with you! 

 Conversation Starter: 

What changes have you made over the years? What are some things that you want to work on or change about yourself? 

National Suicide Prevention Week

September is well known for Labor Day and the start of a new school year. What this month also represents is National Suicide Prevention Week, which starts Sunday, September 8th and runs until Saturday September 14th.

Lack of information can cause us to miss out on signs and awareness when it comes to mental health. We often think because someone is smiling or ‘appears’ to have their life together that things are okay. . Don Cornelius. Lee Thomas Young, Kate Spade, and Anthony Bourdain are a few known celebrities that astonished the world when after they committed suicide. It causes us to think for a moment, to be grateful for life and to ponder on what they were dealing with that provoked them to end their life.

Life is HARD. 

There is no doubt about it. We are just one specimen in this world and there are billions of people on this planet that deal with difficult decisions daily. According to American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US. In 2017, around 47,000 Americans died by suicide. This makes us wonder what we need to do as a society to help those who are suffering inside. 

And no it’s not THAT easy. 

Not everyone is going to admit they want to hurt themselves. However, a trusted relationship with someone can go a long way. When someone feels alone and don’t think they can talk to anyone about something, suicide ideations can occur. It’s important to be there for our loved ones and to have an open conversation about mental health issues. Over the years I would hear people put off talking about mental health. They don’t want to be seen as ‘different’ or ‘weak’ when they want to discuss something that is bothering them. And here’s a little secret, even those who you consider your ‘strong friends’ struggle at times when life becomes complicated. We have all been there and to be honest, it’s time for a change, and that change needed to start like yesterday. If you know someone or if a person brings up any issues they are facing, be open about it. It’s hard enough to build the courage and talk to someone about mental illness. So don’t judge them because that is the least thing they need to hear.

Let’s be CLEAR. 

No one is expecting you to be a therapist. But, we all have the ability to listen and allow that person to express how they feel. If a person doesn’t talk about their problems their stress has the ability to stay inside of them. Which can cause a disturbance and lead to stress, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideations, and a boatload of other issues tied into mental illness. People have the tendency to think the worse I know I do at times. But there is a big difference when you have a support system or someone you can rely on that won’t pass judgement or tell your business to other people. This is one of the reasons I believe people lack trust in one another. No one wants to enter a room where EVERYONE knows their personal business. It’s just not fair. 

What NEXT? 

You might not know how to respond to a friend when they tell you they are faced with a major problem. I get it. But we ALL should know or have some idea of what to do next when we or someone we know are faced with challenges. That is why I created Helpful Living Magazine, our issues talk about mental health and those who are dealing with it firsthand can tell you their experience. If you haven’t done so take a moment to check out our first issue, our next issue will be published later this fall. There are also those who work with individuals that struggle with mental illness, and they can tell you how to approach a person and most importantly, how to be there for them. We all can speculate what someone is going through, but not often are we able to read real stories in a mental health magazine publish and available for consumers. Mental health is real yall, and it’s not going anywhere. Fact is, mental illness has been around for a long time, and it has come to a point where some of us are okay with talking about it.  In our next issue we will have conversation starters and things supporters can do to help those who are struggling with mental illness.

We don’t want to wait until it’s too late, when we are getting a phone call about a loved one that succeeded in a suicide attempt. There is something we all can do and the time starts now. 

Let’s Start the Conversation: 

What are some things you want to learn when it comes to mental health? Have you been there for someone when they were dealing with a mental health issue? What did you do? Let’s start the conversation and allow healing to start in our communities.

I Had To Check Myself

Over the weekend I spoke to a crowd about Helpful Living Magazine. This was my first time talking in front of an audience about the magazine and explaining the primary goal. I was nervous but the moment I started speaking everything flowed out naturally. I heard the confidence in my voice and even seen a few head nods. A lot of people were intrigued and admitted there was need for our mental health magazine.

The feedback was phenomenal, the vibe was great, and I should be on a high right? But I’m not, it’s interesting to me that I feel this way, but I do. I know I have to address it and figure out where this emotion is coming from. Like many of us, we can do something great and our audience is excited for us, however our feelings inside can go from high to low in a matter of seconds.

I woke up this morning after feeling defeated. It was just this uneasy feeling not thinking that I am good enough. Negative thoughts started to come to mind and I questioned if having a mental health magazine was worth putting my time into.  I allowed myself to be in my feelings for a few moments, but shortly after I realized what provoked the negative thoughts. I noticed my activity on Instagram. I finished looking at some pictures and videos and all of a sudden I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I started comparing other people’s success to my own. I witnessed all the glitter and gold, the smiley faces and number of followers and for a few moments I was down. 

At that moment I knew I had two options:

1: I could continue to feel bad and compare myself to people on Instagram. 

2: I could get myself together and find the beauty in all of my hard work.

The choice may appear obvious but when you are feeling down and out, it can be difficult to choose. As the day went on I reminded myself on why I started what God has envisioned on my life. I understood that people are wishing for a resource like Helpful Living Magazine. So from this moment I made a conscious decision on how much time I will spend on social media. I need to utilize my social media platforms to spread the good news about mental health and the resources that are available. 

I am in too deep to turn around and allow some photos on Instagram deteriorate me from my goals. I had to remind myself that social media is a platform where people post their happy times, where there’s laughter and smiles on everyone’s faces. I can’t allow one shot of someone’s life portray my mood. So I reset myself by doing some deep breathing and replace my thoughts by thinking about accomplishments I have completed during the past few months.

What I felt this morning was typical behavior and I know it will not be the last time it happens. But what I will say is that I noticed improvement in my actions. Prior to this morning, if I was feeling bad I would have this feeling all day. I would not want to do anything and be in a negative mood. Yet I was able to have a conversation with myself and talk myself through my feelings.

You may or may not know what provokes your negative thinking, if you do I encourage you to release it, whether you write down your thoughts, talk to someone about it, or do something relaxing. If you are unaware of what inhibits your negative thoughts/behaviors stay attentive to how you are around certain people and how you react when you see things online. Once you acknowledge the triggers you can work on coping skills and provide ways to turn your mood around.

We all have been there so please know that you are not alone.

Let’s Start the Conversation:

 If you have experience negative thinking please comment below. What did you do to stop the thinking and what have you learned about your self during the process?  

Your Thoughts Matter

On average a person will have at least 50,000 thoughts per day. As I mom I can see how our thoughts can add up. When we wake up we think about our day, what we are going to wear, the errands we have to run, the appointments that need schedule, the bills that need paid, etc. This is all before we walk out of our front door. During the day we fight with negative thoughts. Sometimes the negative thoughts win and other times they don’t. Each one is powerful and have the ability to make our break our day. 

Negative thoughts can stop you from being great, it can hinder your day in a split second. It can cause you to not be productive, not make the phone call you needed to make or pay the bill you planned on paying today. It can send off negative vibes to other people, which can put you in a bad space. When we are not in a good mood we do not like to be bothered, (at least I know I don’t).

Negative thoughts have a way of getting the best of me at times. I have refused to write the blog from time to time, avoid a workout, or even not pursue any goals that I set for myself. My thoughts can have me go to work, come home, lay in the bed and not think anything of it. At times, I put so many things off it became hard to get back on track. I am aware of my thoughts now, and I know what I need to do to roll those negative thoughts off of my back!

We have to shift the way we think and acknowledge when we are down. We have to figure out what is making us upset and get to the root of our negative behaviors. Acknowledging these thoughts are vital and can be life changing. Here are a few things you can do to change your mood:

• Talk to someone uplifting

• Read a good book

• Watch a comedy

• Practice self care

For myself, I have to be mindful of my surroundings. What makes me upset and who triggers my mood? Have you ever talked to someone who never appears to have a good day? Despite who they are in your life, you have to make sure you keep your distance. Energy bounces off of someone and can lead to you. I realized my time and who I spend it with is valuable. Whenever I am in a negative mood I think back on who I spend my last twenty-four hours with. If the mood is something I can change I do just that. I may read something motivating, reading affirmation cards, or surround myself around someone I know that is uplifting.

We have to learn how to identify our thoughts. I say that because we can think about one thing and five minutes later think about something totally different. We can get off task in just seconds causing unproductively and learning to another unproductive day. We have to manage our thoughts for the sake of our future.  

Of course this is easier said than done, yet it is obtainable. If you have issues dealing with negative thoughts, talk to someone about it. Don’t hold it in. If someone is not around at the moment, write it down. Get it out of yours system so you can start the process of healing. It’s important for your mental health. 

We all want to to accomplish our goals at the beginning of the day. We have to figure out how to maintain that same attitude during the mid day, in the afternoon, evening, and even before we get to bed. When we get things done we are in a better space and that’s a good feeling.

We live in a negative world and in today’s society we hear more good than bad news. We have to learn how to meditate, do deep breathing, and self care. When we take care of ourselves we feel good about it and that puts us in a positive mood. Your thoughts matter and its time we do something about the negative ones. 

Question: What are some things you do to change your mood? How did it help?

Let’s talk about it. I look forward to reading your comments and connecting with your below.

Jamie

We All Need Help

There are many caregivers that works in hospitals, nursing homes, and residential homes just to name a few. Have you ever witness a job working with patients? You have to have patience and thick skin. There are days when staff members want to walk out. When the acuity is high it can get hectic, causing you to look for another job. Or better yet question yourself about this profession. At times you feel like a number and wonder if your manager or company really cares about you. You are overworked, tired, and underpaid. Not to forget you have to deal with clients, their family members, and anyone else who feels they have authority over a patient’s well-being. It’s tough work and that is the reason there is such a high turnover rate in the healthcare profession.

I worked on an inpatient unit dealing with children, adolescents and adults. I also worked at a residential facility and a clinic. There are times when patients get personal with you and you can take something away from their story, and that same patient will cuss you out, claiming you’ve done nothing for them. It can be an emotional roller coaster. I’ve taken that ride one too many times but I had to remember they too were dealing with unresolved issues that caused them to struggle mentally. 

There was a time I was at work and a child turned on me, she cussed me out and I was so close to walking out of the door. The charge nurse came after me and gave me a pep talk, she said “it’s not worth it, you don’t want to walk out on this job and lose what you worked hard for,” those words stuck with me, it made me realize there was more to life that a child who was suffering mentally. I had an apartment and bills to take care of. After talking to the charge nurse it dawned on me, WE HAVE to be there for each other because we all were dealing with the same kind of WORK RELATED STRESS. 

Obtaining a career patient care is beyond challenging. We are helping those who are dealing with MENTAL and EMOTIONAL abuse. We take the abusive words and try to redirect people into thinking in a different way. We listen, tend to their needs and stay consistent with care. You don’t refuse to help a patient because they said they hate you or because they didn’t want to join coping skills group. There is so much dysfunction going on inside of them, its vital we stay consistent and show the same love while they are in our care. But after working in the mental health field for so long I started to wonder, WHO LOOKS AFTER US? Who makes sure our well-being is taken care of? Sure they have staff appreciation day, and our managers would surprise us with a pizza party here and there but what about our mental health? They say you can’t help others if you are not well yourself…does that exclude workers in the mental health field?

You’d be surprise what someone is dealing with, especially those who are taking care of others. Often times during coping skills group we tell clients to make sure they are taking care of themselves. We talk about self-care and the importance of doing something for yourself. That alone was a reminder of whatI have to do. We can get so wrapped up into our daily responsibilities that it becomes inevitable that we take a moment to do what we tell others to do.  

If you are working in the mental health field please take time for yourself. This can involve in:

• Hanging out with friends

• Reading a book

• Going to the gym

• Attend a social class or workout class

• Take a mental health day when needed

• Go outside during breaks

• Building a support system within the hospital

Having an accountability person also help when we are going through a rough time at work. Please remember patients are doing what they know how to do best…being patients. Most of them are not aware of how your day is going, or what you are going through at home. If you are struggling with work and need to take a day off please have that conversation with your supervisor and know that you are not alone.

~What ideas do you have when it comes to self care? Please take a moment and write it in the comments section, I would love to hear from you!

Go Take The High Road

I went to the gym recently to get my work out on. It’s been a while since I did a workout class and I must say it was fun! I was surprised that I was able to keep up with everyone. There were some rough parts but all in all I got through it, and I felt good about it once the class was over. However, during parts of the workout negative thoughts creep into my mind. For a split second (and I do mean a split second) I entertained those thoughts but I gained control and informed those thoughts I was the boss and I was not going to stop working out. 

Those thoughts started to formulate when I looked in the mirror while I was doing an exercise. For that split second the thoughts stated “look at you, why are you trying to lose weight? It’s not going to work, look how silly you look trying to work out.”  

I shook my head and told my thoughts to myself “not today”. 

See: I had two options.

I could’ve sat and whined about those thoughts.

I could of agreed with those thoughts.

But I had the energy to say no! I was getting through the workout and I am going to lose THIS weight. If I entertain those thoughts from a workout, there’s no telling what else would hinder me. Over the years I’ve allowed negativity to be my best friend. I allowed it to take CONTROL over my accomplishments in life. I stopped living because of the negativity that controlled my actions for so long. It’s time to live, and by all means I am going to work on my purpose and turn them into my paycheck. Despite what others say, or how things turn out the first time. I’ve learned in order to grow I have to step out and do the work. I can’t expect to be advance in anything I do if I stay hibernated in my passion. I’ve come to the realization last night, and I am praying the same for you. 

What negativity will do? 

• It will make you angry. It will questions your existence and can KILL your dream. There are so many people living on this earth that is not living up to God’s purpose. Those people are living paycheck to paycheck, unhappy at their jobs, and struggling to find happiness. Those people are you and me. It’s time to make a change and to push towards your passion. 

We are all designed with gifts. Some people know right away what their gift is. Others don’t, despite how long it takes, it is vital we find out what we are passionate about. It gives us a different perspective of life. It makes us feel proud of who we are and whom we become in the future. Life is supposed to be enjoyable. It’s supposed to be memorable and peaceful. 

I know this is easier said than done. Life has a way of diverting us into our purpose. We have children we have to take care of and a roof to keep over our head. Yet, I believe when we step into our purpose and tell negativity no, we turn into a new person. We become determined and ignite that fire that will change us forever. It’s time to tell negativity no, it’s time to get our hands dirty, face challenges, and learn from our mistakes. If we continue to listen to our negativity, we may never get there. 

Each day we have two choices to make when we get up, those choices are: to step into your purpose, or to live the way you’ve been living. If the way you have been living is not satisfactory for your life, why continue to choose that route?  

When we don’t live purposefully we start to question our existence. If you are having difficulty figuring out your purpose, think about this:

• What are some things you like to do?

• What can you do for free?

• Lastly, what problems do you want to solve in this world?

Answering these three questions should ignite some kind of fire. The more we live purposefully the better we are at being happy. I choose to be happy and so should you.

5 Ways To Stop Negative Thoughts

There’s a part of me that wants to turn in the towel. But that’s only a small percentage. The thoughts come and go but they have been hanging around a lot more. They will say things like “quit,” “you’re not good enough”, or “why would anyone purchase that”. It gets to be annoying after a while until I realize the thoughts are a part of the process. If I continue to listen to those statements I will lose all the hard work I accomplished and be back to square one. No one is successful overnight (It’s pretty rare). Then I realized how many other people are struggling through sticking with the process of their goals and not giving up.

 The same goes for weight loss, eating right, finishing school, or accomplishing something like starting a business or saving up for a home. We all have goals in life, and if we are going to continue to live our life, we mind as well live it by accomplishing our ambitions.

 The moments I become stuck and don’t know what to do, or entertain the negative thoughts, which lets me know it is time for a break. Mentally. That break does not have to be long. It can be a few minutes, hours, or even a day. Nothing drastic because I don’t want to become lazy, just enough time to meditate and get back to the drawing board.

 We are all good enough to accomplish what God placed in our hearts to pursue. There are some things that will continue to appear in your life, if you were meant to write a book, the opportunity will present itself until you do. If you were meant to speak and motivate others, you’d be surprise what God will align in order for that vision to become a reality.

 I have been writing for a long time. It’s been almost ten years since I started my first blog. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t even know what a niche was, but I continued to write. I eventually published a few novels and now I have a published magazine, an audience and a purpose for my product. I have come a long way, but I know I have longer to go. And that’s when the thoughts appear. I get so concerned and sometimes vested into my thoughts that I hinder my own success by pushing my projects off for the next day. I am determined to make Helpful Living Magazinea well-known magazine to those dealing with mental illness. No matter how long it takes.

 When negative thoughts strike I have to take the initiative to reevaluate my purpose. There are ways of doing that in order to get my life back on track. 

 Reading:there are so many people who struggled before you. Luckily some have written about their journey with tips and motivation for you to continue to pursue yours. I am currently reading The Gift of Imperfection by Brene’ Brown P.hD. This book has helped me thus far and reading a few minutes of it can help me get out of the funk that encounters my life every so often. I encourage you to pick up a book and do some reading. We live in a world where instant gratification is at an all-time high. We watch videos on our devices and watch television and it’s rare we pick up a book and read. Did you know many wealthy people read for hours at a time and make it a part of their routine? That’s something to think about.

 Journaling: is one of the ways we can express ourselves. Writing things on paper is a great way express your feelings. Have you ever tried talking to someone on the phone and all they did during the conversation was cut you off? That happened to me multiple times, to the point where I didn’t even want to talk about my problems anymore. Better yet, there are people you talk to and all they want to do is solve the problem for you, but you really called to vent and get your thoughts off of your chest. I know I am not the only one out here. Well, writing allows you to focus on your thoughts without any disruptions. It’s a great way to process what you are going through and the bonus feature is reading back on previous journal entries and acknowledging the growth. We all like growth right? If you don’t know where to start I advised getting a prompt journal book. I got one from Target and it asked questions about different topics that I was able to talk about. Krystal Lee has great journals as well as Girl Be Free Journal, located on Be Free Project website. These places are for women who want to grow spiritually and individually. You will be surprise the changes you will make when you use a journal. I personally feel like it makes you feel accountable for your actions and forces you to think outside the box when it comes to problem solving. You don’t always have to be in an emergency to come up with a plan to be successful. Like the say if you fail to plan you will plan to fail.  

 Exercising: this is something we all need to do. Thirty minutes of physical activity is a great place to start. It frees your mind all while you are getting your body together. Releasing those toxics do something to your body. In addition to working out, there are a lot of exercise groups you can join where you can engage with other people who are working on the same goal. Once you start exercising (and become consistent) you will start to be aware of the physical changes, which helps you mentally. If you are not into working out at a gym there are a lot of programs like Beachbody and work out apps you can sign up for.

 Resting: this can be hard to come by for a lot of people. Working on our craft is something we must put time in to do, however we have to give our mind time to rest. When we are overloaded our brains are fried and we are not helpful to anyone, principally ourselves. It is easy to have the “go go go” mentality but in all actuality you have to ask yourself “what is the rush?” God will allow things to come in the time they are meant to come. Therefore, if you have to go to bed an hour earlier to refresh yourself then do so. If you have to take a nap in the middle of the day, or when you come home from work, then do that too. If you are a parent and can’t find time because you have children, then try to go to bed a little earlier after their bedtime. Some things may have to get pushed off until the next day, which is fine because you want to be able to live the next day and not be a zombie.

Do Something Fun: we have to do things to take our minds off of our work.  That could be meditating, talking on the phone (keep it limited and its helpful if its productive) watching TV (again minimum, some people binge watch but I would really keep that to a minimum). Find something fun to do like go outside or visit that place your child has been ranting and raving about (park, Sky-zone, a museum etc.). Getting out the house or out of the work environment can change the highlight of someone’s day. We can sit and focus on our goals, dreams, and vision for so long and not realize time is passing us by. Chasing money is a common thing and everyone want to “get that bag” but you don’t want to be exhausted to the point that you can’t enjoy it right? 

Have fun in the meantime and know that with persistence your goals will be accomplished and God will align the right people in your path. 

What resonated with you from this blog post?