It’s called self-care and yes you need it!
We all do. As a matter of fact I don’t know how we made it this far in life without it. I know you read a lot about self-care online or even in community groups. It’s a topic that should never go away, because we all need to be reminded on the importance of taking care of ourselves.
You know how routine it is to take care of our children, go to work, cook, clean, help with homework, and put them to bed? (Sheesh, I’m exhausted just by typing). We do this on a daily all to go to bed and wake up and do it all over again. It’s a struggle out here for us parents, and “adulting” does not get easier, especially if we continue to ignore ourselves. We get in this routine lifestyle and think this is how life is. We might sneak off and do something here and there, but self-care is something we have to be intentional about.
It’s hard to think we have to schedule time for ourselves, but this is the world we live in. When we “pencil” ourselves in we can carve out some time and you will be surprise what happens when you start with that. Allow that time to be for you and NOONE else. If you are having trouble, I am glad you stopped by because you will leave with a little bit more information to help you get back to making sure “you are okay”.
So what is Self-Care you ask?
Its anything we do intentionally to take care of ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally.
This is what can get ignored especially when it comes to our mental and emotional health because it’s not anything we can physically see. No one can walk up to you and say oh, I see you’re emotionally and mentally drained, let me help you with that. Now if you look disheveled and appear to be tired then the physical part of you is noticed…yes, but it takes for someone to talk to you to see or hear that you are emotionally or mentally drained.
I know sometimes I feel like I cut myself short because I don’t get a chance to take a break. I go into work mode during the day and then mommy mode when I pick our son up from daycare in the evenings. By the time I get him settled into bed, I am too tired to do anything. I may watch a show, or pay a few bills but after that it’s on to bed to prepare for the next day. I needed a break from this routine. It’s pretty obvious this structure is not going anywhere. Our son has to eat, go to daycare, and receive attention at home. I have to go to work to make sure the bills are paid and to provide food for our family, so not working is inevitable. I started to feel like I was getting robbed. I would question, “is this what my world has come down to?”I noticed a change in my mood and became easily frustrated, especially since my husband kept himself busy. He was able to leave when he wanted to or spend time with friends, kick back and engage in sports. But why wasn’t I? That’s when I realized he was living intentionally and putting himself on a schedule and I was still on the routine track. So I knew I had to do something, and by doing so I started with a list.
Here are a few things I did to help create some time for self-care.
1. Created A List:
Who knew this was important? I didn’t think a list mattered in my life. I wrote down all the things I liked to do when I was by myself. I had to really think because it has been some time since it was just me. Some of the things I came up with were: listen to music, go to a museum, read a book, go to the salon, exercise, get a massage, take a walk, or go to the mall. Those kinds of things made me feel at peace. I jot this down in my planner and moved on to the next step.
2. Find Time:
This might be the tricky part, but it is possible. I looked on the calendar to see what day I was available. I spoke to my husband to see if he can pick up our son for my self-care day. I looked at the entire month and read all the things I had to do. There were days I was able to choose from and I put myself down on the day I felt was best. After talking to my husband about it I assured I would have a day to myself and not have to worry about anything or anyone else.
3. Reach Out:
Finding childcare can be a challenge sometimes. I know, and not everyone has someone designated to watch their little one(s). It’s critical to you and your health to have a friend or family member to help out when it comes to your needs. If you cannot find someone, try to schedule a mental health day, or PTO while your child or children are in school. There may be a day when you have a doctor’s appointment and you have to leave work early, fit some time in for yourself. However, if you can reach out to someone, this would be ideal. You may have a friend who has issues with finding childcare too, reach out to that person and see if you two can take turns when it comes to your self-care days.
4. Stick to the Plan:
That’s right stick to it! If you planned a self-care day, make sure you use it! Look at your list and figure out what you want to do for that day. If you can only do one you are one step ahead. If you can only spend a hour or two at the salon then do one thing and the next time do another thing on your list. It’s refreshing and rewarding knowing you were able to do something even if it’s going to get a cup of coffee and people watch. Enjoy and live in the moment.
5. Do it Again:
This is so important. If you don’t remember anything else remember to plan another self-care day. If you can do it weekly or monthly then so be it, but PUT YOURSELF ON SCHEDULE! This allows you to have something to look forward to, even if it’s once a month. It’s kind of like when you countdown to vacation from work…only its vacation from your daily routine!
Each time you have a self-care day I encourage you to write down how it has made you feel. Write down your thoughts before and after your first self-care day, and follow up with the next one. See if there’s any improvement in your mood. You will start to feel like you are putting yourself first again, even if it’s for a few hours. Sometimes the hardest part is getting started, but I assure you once you get one self-care day in, you will be sure to find time for another one. Also, if you are going to the salon, make an appointment instead of doing a walk-in, that way you can assure that you will be seen at that time and it makes the appointment more of a luxury as opposed to rushing because you have to get back home. This was a valuable lesson I learned and I refuse to do any walk-in appointments from here on out. Your time is important and even if it is for yourself, you have to make sure people respect it.
Mental Note Assignment: start planning for your self-care day. Let me know how it went or how you feel about it. Let me know how it works out and if you are having any difficulties reach out to me! I would love to help.