Calling All People-Pleasing Helping Professionals

As human beings, we all require others for connection and community in order to be the best versions of ourselves. None of us are capable of shouldering the weight of it all on our own. Due to the way in which community has evolved over the centuries, some of these connections have transformed from your neighbor to helping professionals. Helping professionals include but are not limited to our healthcare practitioners, mental health professionals, public servants, social workers, human resource professionals, community and religious leaders, educators, coaches and caregivers (both paid and unpaid). The goal each of these professions is to improve our well-being by identifying and understanding our problems, empathizing with us, creating and implementing solutions and providing support along the journey. They have made part of their life’s purpose to help others. However, problems start to arise when they believe serving others is their only purpose.

Eventually, this can manifest into people pleasing. However, there are individuals who choose to go into helping professionals because of pre-existing people-pleasing tendencies. People-pleasers are individuals that prioritize others’ needs above their own. This is an admirable trait to have when you are working with someone, especially in the midst of a crisis (distressing, prolonged event that can worsen overtime) or emergency (unexpected event that requires immediate action). But what happens when they become the individuals in distress and continue to proceed as normal?

Problems that may arise due to people pleasing:

 Unhealthy relationships with others

 Struggling with uncomfortable emotions such as guilt or resentment

 Burnout

 Poor physical, mental and emotional health

 Perfectionism

 Lack of identity beyond how they can serve others

 Avoidance

How does one become a people pleaser? Sometimes, it starts early and other times it becomes an expectation when you are receiving your education and training.

Received praise or recognition for prioritizing others. Your siblings and you are disappointed because you could not go to the fair that year. You immediately try to soothe your siblings, but no one makes space for you to express your disappointment.Your parents talk about how wonderful a sibling you are for this behavior.

Heard positive messages about self-sacrifice. You worked hard all summer, missing several events with your friends, to save up to purchase a car. Unfortunately, a family member needs to pay their rent. You are expected to give your savings to them because they need it more than you. Your decision is going to speak to your character. Likely, you were expected to be a cheerful giver and never expect anything in return.

Taught that the patient/clients come first. Throughout your training, you were expected to be underpaid or receive no payment for the care you were providing. Now, ignoring your needs for rest and nourishment are normalized by long shifts and overpacked schedules. It comes with the career path.

Met with negative reactions (e.g., guilt trips, told you are selfish, or defensiveness) when you tried to voice your feelings, set a boundary, advocate for yourself, or any other self-prioritizing behavior.

You know the old saying, you can’t pour from an empty cup. You cannot give support to others when you are not doing well.

Tips to combat people-pleasing:

 Implement at least 10-15 minutes self-care on a daily basis.

 Practice self-compassion.

Increase awareness of your bodily needs and respond to them.

Set boundaries.

Identify your values in life.

Understand your self-worth is not based on what you can do for others.Seek help from a mental health professional.

Where readers can find Nemetria Tate, PsyD?

https://www.instagram.com/drnemetria/ or https://www.tiktok.com/@drnemetria

From Survival to Advocacy: A Personal Journey into Employee Well-being

My path to becoming an advocate for workplace mental health and employee well-being wasn't linear – it was forged through personal experience with both burnout and workplace trauma. These experiences shaped my understanding of why organizations must prioritize creating psychologically safe and inclusive environments for their employees.

It was my earlier work experience that truly opened my eyes to the devastating impact of toxic workplace cultures. As the only Black woman in my department, I endured microaggressions, discrimination, and demeaning treatment that left deep emotional scars. Despite holding a leadership position and pursuing my doctorate, my intelligence was questioned, my voice was diminished, and my dignity was compromised. The experience culminated in an incident where a superior made an unconscionable reference to noosing – a moment that highlighted how workplace trauma can intersect with historical and racial trauma.

These experiences taught me valuable lessons about what organizations need to do differently. First, workplace well-being isn't just about offering meditation apps or wellness programs – it's about addressing systemic issues that create stress and trauma in the first place. This includes examining power dynamics, addressing implicit bias, and creating accountability systems that actually work.

Second, burnout isn't simply a personal failure or lack of resilience – it's often a symptom of organizational dysfunction. When employees are overburdened with administrative tasks, facing unclear expectations, or managing toxic relationships with superiors, no amount of individual coping strategies will solve the underlying problems.

Third, diversity and inclusion efforts must go beyond mere representation. Having been "the only one" in my department, I understand that hiring diverse talent is just the beginning. Organizations must create environments where all employees feel valued, respected, and psychologically safe. This means addressing microaggressions promptly, providing meaningful support systems, and ensuring that leadership is educated about trauma-informed management practices.

Today, I channel these insights into my work as a consultant, helping organizations create cultures that truly support employee well-being. This involves:

1. Developing customized corporate training programs that address employee mental health, trauma-informed leadership, and psychological safety

2. Offering professional growth and resilience services including high-profile counseling and on-site employee assistance program (EAP) support

3. Establishing strategic wellness initiatives such as reflective roundtables and organization assessments that examine both obvious and subtle barriers to inclusion and well-being

The business case for prioritizing employee well-being is clear. Organizations lose talented employees, institutional knowledge, and significant resources when they fail to create supportive environments.

But beyond the business case, there's a human imperative. No employee should have to develop extraordinary resilience just to survive their workplace. While my experiences led me to grow stronger and ultimately advocate for others, the goal should be creating workplaces where such resilience isn't necessary.

As we continue to navigate changing workplace dynamics, organizations must recognize that employee well-being isn't a luxury – it's a fundamental business necessity. By addressing systemic issues, creating inclusive cultures, and prioritizing psychological safety, we can build workplaces where all employees can thrive, not just survive.

The future of work demands leaders who understand these dynamics and are committed to creating meaningful change. Through my consulting work, I'm dedicated to helping organizations make this vision a reality, ensuring that future generations of employees won't have to face the same challenges I did.

About Dr. Moreland:

Dr. Channing L. Moreland, founder of Moreland Counseling & Consulting Group, is a strategic organizational leader and Licensed Professional Counselor who partners with Fortune 500 companies, educational institutions, and non-profits to build inclusive, mentally healthy workplace cultures. With over 16 years of experience across healthcare, academia, and organizational development, she has established a track record of transforming organizations through innovative people development and systems optimization. Dr. Moreland holds a Doctorate in Education in Leadership and Administration from Point Park University, and her expertise in mental health, leadership, and inclusion has earned her recognition including Pittsburgh Magazine’s 40 Under 40 Award and the Professional Women’s Network Ladies Who Lead Award.

Improving Executive Functioning in Children By Kimberly V. Porter M.Ed.

We all experience diverse emotions daily. Often, we have been disappointed, reacted to issues

and or circumstances through some form of anger, and even low self-esteem. I would like to

present to you the subject matter of “Executive Functioning.”

Executive Functioning is a term used in general to describe a person’s ability to effectively

manage and respond to an emotional experience. This can make everyday tasks difficult for our

early learners. Emotional experience involves the ability to restrain or stop certain emotions such

as trauma, joy, sorrow, fear, hate, what one may like or love. These emotions are regulated and

controlled by the prefrontal cortex and frontal lobe (impulse control, judgment, decision making,

time management, personality, task initiation, persistence) and the limbic system (regulation of

emotions).

Processing of Information

Working memory governs our ability to retain and manipulate distinct pieces of information over

short periods of time.

 Mental flexibility helps us to sustain or shift attention in response to different demands or

to apply different rules in different settings.

 Self-control enables us to set priorities and resist impulsive actions or responses.

 Executive functioning development in childhood studies have shown different contexts

for different age ranges and in a wide-spread series of actions or steps taken to achieve a

particular end process.

 Executive functioning skills are a set of abilities that are essential for thinking through

and completing tasks. They are the skills that allow us to problem solve, initiate and

complete tasks, and sustain attention through the completion of a task, they are needed

for every multi-step activity we do.

According to Dr. Matthew Rouse (2024), self-regulation is the ability to manage emotions and

behavior in accordance with situational demands. It involves resisting highly emotional reactions

to upsetting stimuli, calming oneself when upset, adjusting to changes in expectations, and

handling frustration without an outburst. These skills enable children to direct their behavior

towards a goal as they mature, despite external unpredictability and internal feelings. Executive

function encompasses several skills, such as paying attention, organizing, planning and

prioritizing, starting tasks and staying focused until completion, understanding different

perspectives, regulating emotions, and self-monitoring.

As an educator for more than 10 years, wonderful opportunities have flourished within

providing diverse positions within my early childhood education career. Throughout my teaching

experience I have discovered that when children are part of an environment that is reflective, the

individual learner can learn to make better choices when they are more thoughtful, reflective and

self-aware.

As educators learn to slow down and model self-reflection and self-awareness and self-

regulation for our early learners. Our early learners learn much more by imitation than they do

by instruction, for example, if a child sees or hears a lot of yelling from an adult and sees or

hears the adult in a frustrated issue and or concern when he or she is not able to get their way, it’s

no surprise if the child reacts in the same way.

In short, children often imitate what they see and hear, all the early learner knows is what they

know. If someone gets anxious when their child is frustrated or disappointed, the child will get

anxious as well. Early learners who are dealing with anxiety can often be mistaken for behavior problems or learning disabilities. Therefore, providing the support and resources that our early and parents require concerning executive functioning skill development are indeed an essential necessity for home and the school environment. I encourage parents and or guardians and people in general to learn all they can about executive functioning and how it shows up in various disorders.

About Kimberly Porter, M.Ed: She is an educator, national writer and author of Spiritual Guidance Through Alzheimer’s Dis-Ease

The Power Of Implementing Self-Care Into Your Daily Living

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Whether its work, family responsibilities, and social commitments, we often put our needs last. Yet, self-care is essential not only for our physical well-being but also for our mental and emotional health. When we take the time to care for ourselves, we are better equipped to show up for others and face life’s challenges with resilience and grace.

Why Self-Care Matters

Self-care is more than just a trendy buzzword—it’s a vital practice for maintaining balance in our lives. When we prioritize self-care, we:

• Boost Our Mental Health: Regular self-care helps reduce stress, anxiety, and feelings of overwhelm. It promotes relaxation, clarity, and emotional stability.

• Enhance Physical Health: Taking care of our bodies through exercise, proper nutrition, and rest increases energy levels, strengthens the immune system, and improves overall health.

• Improve Productivity and Focus: When we feel good physically and mentally, we’re more focused, creative, and productive.

• Promote Emotional Resilience: Taking time for self-care fosters emotional awareness, helps us cope with tough situations, and builds a healthy mindset.

Incorporating self-care into your daily life doesn’t have to be difficult or time-consuming. Below are practical ways to integrate self-care into your routine, making it feel like an enjoyable part of your day.

1. Start Your Day with Intention

The way you start your day sets the tone for everything that follows. Begin your morning with mindfulness to help center yourself. This could be as simple as:

• A few minutes of meditation or deep breathing: Taking time to focus on your breath or reflect on what you’re grateful for can calm your mind and set a positive tone.

• Writing in a journal: Reflect on your thoughts, goals, or intentions for the day. Writing allows you to clear your mind and gain clarity.

• Stretching or yoga: Gentle movement gets your body energized and ready for the day ahead.

2. Make Healthy Eating a Priority

Food is fuel for both our bodies and our minds. What we eat directly impacts our mood, energy, and physical health. Try to:

• Incorporate more whole foods: Aim for meals that are rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and healthy fats.

• Stay hydrated: Drinking enough water throughout the day is crucial for maintaining energy and focus.

• Practice mindful eating: Rather than eating on the go, take time to savor your meals. This encourages better digestion and helps you appreciate what you’re nourishing your body with.

3. Move Your Body

Exercise is one of the most powerful forms of self-care. It not only benefits your physical health but also releases endorphins that improve your mood. Aim for at least 20-30 minutes of movement every day, such as:

• Walking: A simple walk outside in nature can refresh your mind and body.

• Dancing: Put on your favorite music and dance around—it’s fun and a great way to get your body moving.

• Strength training or yoga: These practices build strength, flexibility, and resilience.

4. Set Boundaries and Say No

One of the most important aspects of self-care is learning how to protect your time and energy. Saying no to things that drain you, while saying yes to things that nourish you, is vital for maintaining a healthy balance. Consider:

• Evaluating your commitments: Reflect on your current obligations. Are they truly aligned with your needs and goals? If not, it may be time to set new boundaries.

• Prioritizing rest: Saying no to extra activities when you need time to recharge is essential.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

How we treat ourselves matters just as much as how we treat others. Self-compassion means being kind to yourself, especially when things aren’t going well. It’s about acknowledging your struggles without judgment and offering yourself grace.

• Be mindful of self-talk: Challenge negative thoughts about yourself by replacing them with affirmations or kinder words.

• Treat yourself like you would a friend: When you’re feeling down or stressed, offer yourself the same kindness and support that you would a loved one.

6. Make Time for Relaxation

Relaxation is a crucial part of self-care that often gets overlooked. It’s important to make time to unwind and recharge. Some relaxation techniques include:

• Taking a warm bath: A bath with essential oils or calming salts can help soothe your muscles and ease tension.

• Reading or listening to music: Engage in activities that allow you to escape and give your mind a break from stress.

• Spending time in nature: Whether it’s a walk in the park or sitting outside for a few minutes, nature has a calming effect on the mind.

7. Get Enough Sleep

Sleep is the foundation of well-being, yet many people sacrifice it in favor of other responsibilities. Quality sleep is essential for mental clarity, mood regulation, and physical health. To prioritize sleep:

• Set a consistent sleep schedule: Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day.

• Create a calming bedtime routine: Engage in activities like reading or practicing relaxation techniques to signal to your body that it’s time to wind down.

• Limit screen time before bed: The blue light emitted by screens can interfere with sleep, so try to avoid them an hour before bed.

8. Nurture Your Relationships

Self-care isn’t only about taking care of yourself—it’s also about surrounding yourself with supportive, positive relationships. Spend time with people who lift you up, and make sure you’re also offering kindness and support in return. Consider:

• Reaching out to loved ones: Whether it’s a phone call, text, or visit, connecting with people you care about strengthens your social support network.

• Engaging in meaningful conversations: Sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences helps deepen your relationships.

9. Engage in Activities That Bring You Joy

Incorporate hobbies and activities that make you feel alive and fulfilled into your daily routine. Whether it’s painting, gardening, playing an instrument, or simply spending time with pets, engaging in something you love nourishes your soul and promotes a sense of happiness and fulfillment.

Self-care is a daily practice that goes beyond indulgence—it’s a vital component of living a balanced and fulfilling life. By making small adjustments to your routine and prioritizing your needs, you can nurture your body, mind, and spirit. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary for you to show up as the best version of yourself in every aspect of your life.

Incorporating self-care into your daily life may take time and practice, but the benefits are well worth it. Your well-being is the foundation for everything else in your life—so take the time to invest in yourself. You deserve it.

Let us know in the comments how you practice self-care!

The Nervous System and Anxiety by Darius Fennell

For one who is very well acquainted with debilitating anxiety, I had to quickly learn what was happening inside my mind and body. I was inspired to understand the following:

1. How is the nervous system related to my anxiety?

2. How does the nervous system function?

3. Can I leverage understanding the nervous system to improve my anxiety?

You can think of the nervous system as the body’s electrical communication system. These communication systems are all over the body and transmit all types of messages. The messages I had become overwhelmed with were panic, dread, fear, and danger. These were ongoing, intense, and lasted for months and I desperately began to read and research as much as I could in hopes that I could find peace again. My educational background is engineering, but I quickly focused on the autonomic nervous system which is composed of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.

The sympathetic nervous system is associated with fight or flight while the parasympathetic nervous system is associated with rest and digest. While I was very well acquainted with fight or flight, I wanted to know more about finding ways to cooperate with the parasympathetic rest and digest and came across the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is located at the brand stem and extends down to the gut and is a critical part of being able to relax. This is done by improving what is known as vagal tone or the vagus nerve activity. There are several ways to do this:

• Slow breathing exercises

• Cold water exposure

• Gargling

• Humming

• Exercise

Some of these seemed silly to me at first but as I tried them, they actually worked. With consistency and practice, I began to create my own anxiety toolkit which I talk about in my book, Leaving Jupiter: Navigating Your Anxiety Recovery. There is no magic pill or quick fix when it comes to anxiety but understanding the nervous system is a crucial component. Along with therapy, diet, exercise, rest, hydration, and many other tools, practicing vagus nerve stimulation has been a game changer and a major part of having a lasting recovery. Which method would you be willing to try

Darius Fennell is a mental health and therapy advocate, published author, speaker, and coach. He recently published Leaving Jupiter: Navigating Your Anxiety Recovery and The Leaving Jupiter Daily Journal available on his website and Amazon. You can find him on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, LinkedIn, and Facebook under the profile Beyond Anxiety (@beyond.anxiety_) 

When The Holidays Are Not Your Cup Of Tea...Do This

Here is the gut wrenching reality. Everyone does not care for the holiday season, and that is okay. Typically when you think of celebrating the holidays you think about the dinner spread, laughter, joy and memories that will last a lifetime. You think about who you will see, how college is going for some folks, new relationships and babies that are crying or being carried around from one family member to the next. You think of the lights, the coziness in the house and the love that is immersed in the room. It’s a pretty good feeling, however, not everyone has this experience. Some people are reminded of family drama, unforgiving arguments, unwanted memories, and grief from something or someone they lost in the past. Which is often remised every holiday season.

More times than not people are be forced to be around someone who has hurt them in the past, or feel they are people pleasing because “family” wants them to come, despite how they may feel, (especially if they are young and don’t have a choice in saying where they are going for the holidays). There are also people who are reminded that they do not have the necessary things in order to have a good holiday season. In some instances this is a constant reminder of their short comings. Each year people are experiencing the holiday season for the first time without someone they loved, whether that person transitioned from Earth, or is no longer in communication with them. These feelings are hard to express, especially when society and media displays joyful music, happiness, and family traditions.

So what do you do if this sounds like you? I personally will say, feel those feelings. Too often people suppress their emotions. The response of, “don’t worry about that” or “it’s going to be alright,” is not something people want to hear. And we have to get out of the habit of saying those things. It’s not as if the person doesn’t think it won’t get better, they know that it will. But the feelings are on display and it’s imperative to acknowledge those feelings. And you can do this in one of many ways, express by crying, writing down your thoughts, talking to someone or taking a moment to sit in it. And when that moment is over (I am stressing moment as a few minutes or so). If you know the holidays are not your thing I would also encourage you to seek a therapist if you are not already doing so. Preparing and discussing what’s to come can help and oftentimes we are more concern leading up to the day, than the actual day in itself.

Few activities to follow…

1. Change the trajectory: you do not have to do what you did in the past. Make new memories with those you are close with, keep in mind this does not have to only be family you can reach out to friends too.

2. Set boundaries: if a family member wants you to do something whether it’s joining a family event, politely refuse. They should understand, if you feel they deserve an explanation, give it to them. But telling them you want to protect your peace and is good enough.

3. Volunteer: this can help bring cheer into your life. I encourage you to try it!

4. Do something untraditional: see a movie that is not focused on the holidays, take yourself on a mini vacation, whether local or travel somewhere warm where you are not reminded of the holidays. Those last minute trips are helpful and can make the best memories.

5. Do a virtual call: chat with someone online whether it’s someone you haven’t talk to in a while and talk about things that make you laugh!

6. Listen to your favorite artist: not everyone has a holiday album so you should be okay in listening to music that can put you in another place.

These activities are just a few things that come to mind. Most importantly understand that you are not alone. And we have resources to help you with that. Be sure to let us know which one you engaged in, whether it was a few or all of them!