When The Holidays Are Not Your Cup Of Tea...Do This

Here is the gut wrenching reality. Everyone does not care for the holiday season, and that is okay. Typically when you think of celebrating the holidays you think about the dinner spread, laughter, joy and memories that will last a lifetime. You think about who you will see, how college is going for some folks, new relationships and babies that are crying or being carried around from one family member to the next. You think of the lights, the coziness in the house and the love that is immersed in the room. It’s a pretty good feeling, however, not everyone has this experience. Some people are reminded of family drama, unforgiving arguments, unwanted memories, and grief from something or someone they lost in the past. Which is often remised every holiday season.

More times than not people are be forced to be around someone who has hurt them in the past, or feel they are people pleasing because “family” wants them to come, despite how they may feel, (especially if they are young and don’t have a choice in saying where they are going for the holidays). There are also people who are reminded that they do not have the necessary things in order to have a good holiday season. In some instances this is a constant reminder of their short comings. Each year people are experiencing the holiday season for the first time without someone they loved, whether that person transitioned from Earth, or is no longer in communication with them. These feelings are hard to express, especially when society and media displays joyful music, happiness, and family traditions.

So what do you do if this sounds like you? I personally will say, feel those feelings. Too often people suppress their emotions. The response of, “don’t worry about that” or “it’s going to be alright,” is not something people want to hear. And we have to get out of the habit of saying those things. It’s not as if the person doesn’t think it won’t get better, they know that it will. But the feelings are on display and it’s imperative to acknowledge those feelings. And you can do this in one of many ways, express by crying, writing down your thoughts, talking to someone or taking a moment to sit in it. And when that moment is over (I am stressing moment as a few minutes or so). If you know the holidays are not your thing I would also encourage you to seek a therapist if you are not already doing so. Preparing and discussing what’s to come can help and oftentimes we are more concern leading up to the day, than the actual day in itself.

Few activities to follow…

1. Change the trajectory: you do not have to do what you did in the past. Make new memories with those you are close with, keep in mind this does not have to only be family you can reach out to friends too.

2. Set boundaries: if a family member wants you to do something whether it’s joining a family event, politely refuse. They should understand, if you feel they deserve an explanation, give it to them. But telling them you want to protect your peace and is good enough.

3. Volunteer: this can help bring cheer into your life. I encourage you to try it!

4. Do something untraditional: see a movie that is not focused on the holidays, take yourself on a mini vacation, whether local or travel somewhere warm where you are not reminded of the holidays. Those last minute trips are helpful and can make the best memories.

5. Do a virtual call: chat with someone online whether it’s someone you haven’t talk to in a while and talk about things that make you laugh!

6. Listen to your favorite artist: not everyone has a holiday album so you should be okay in listening to music that can put you in another place.

These activities are just a few things that come to mind. Most importantly understand that you are not alone. And we have resources to help you with that. Be sure to let us know which one you engaged in, whether it was a few or all of them!

What's SAD All About?

As you know time rolled back over the weekend, which means it is going to get darker…quicker. I noticed around this time of the year moods can change. The holiday season is now in affect. And we reminisce on memories that may lead us to shedding a few tears. And I am writing to tell you that it’s okay. It’s nice to think of our loved ones and be able to cherish the memories we had with them.

It is also okay to not be in the same mood you were a few weeks back. The year is coming to and end, there are goals you may have obtained, or not. Following a boat load of other things that comes with life. Understand this YOU ARE HUMAN! You have emotions and you are not a robot, so please do not compete with big box companies or even AI at this point.

However those things are typical, but there are things that can be out of the ordinary and even scary for some people who experience a sense of sadness all the time. You know when you are not yourself, and your friends know it too. Listen to your gut and your friends if what they are saying is true. Do not be in denial. The one way you can help yourself is by being true to yourself and seeking the help that you need to pull you out of this space.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Let’s start with a definition: “SAD symptoms start in the late fall or early winter and go away during the spring and summer; this is known as winter-pattern SAD or winter depression.” - National Institute of Mental Health

Experiencing Change In Appetite. There’s one thing to go on a diet or some kind of weight loss journey, but there’s another concern when you or someone is not eating or minimizing eating on a consistent level. When I say minimizing I am meaning eating lower than the daily calorie intake. Your thoughts are always on something that is distracting you or causing you to not do the daily things one would typically do.

Social Withdrawal. I understand people take social media breaks, I actually encourage that and think that’s a good way to set up boundaries. But to withdrawal from friends and people who can pour positivity into you, that’s a red flag. Even when you social withdrawal there’s at least one or two persons you stay connected to, whether it’s in a form of text or phone call, there is some kind of communication. If you or someone you know finds themselves disconnecting from life longer than usual, they could be experiencing SAD.

Oversleeping. Now we all like to get our rest, and some days we do not want to get out of bed. Especially during those cold mornings. But at some point you are going to get out of the bed, start your day and something. If you find yourself in the bed with low mood and have no desire to do ANYTHING consistently…then SAD may be creeping at your door.

Difficulty Concentrating. Times like this it’s challenging to stay focus. I feel like we live in a world where we are moving faster than ever. I mean wasn’t it like January yesterday? I don’t know maybe it’s just me. However, if you are having challenges with staying focus and being consistent on minor task, like taking out the trash, washing up, doing dishes, etc. it’s time to have a talk and see where the lack of concentration is stemming from. The insight can be helpful for sure!

Thoughts of Suicide. No one should take this subject lightly. I think we are still in a world where people are afraid to talk about suicide. All because they think someone is going to go along with the plan. However, a thought can lead to an action, and it can be scary having those thoughts in your mind, alone. So if you are thinking about this be sure to reach out for support. Reach out to a close friend and be honest about your thoughts. If you are the friend who has concerns, reach out to that friend and be there, you may not know what to do, however your presence speaks volumes. Check on that friend, go to their house and help them, if their house is a mess, clean up for them. If their children needs to be picked up from school, coordinate that. Help out with the task that needs to be taken care of. Some people can be overwhelmed and do not know how to ask for help. While doing daily tasks for them, find support by contacting a therapist and seeing when their next available appointment is and connect your friend to that provider. Or if it is an emergency call 911 or 988. But be sure to find support and connect!

We all want to live a meaningful life. However life is tough. It does not always go as planned and we do not know how to handle it when life brings us alternatives were were not ready for.

Here’s What I Want You To Do!

Take a moment and write down your feelings for the next week. Pick a time each day and commit that time to write how you feel. Be honest with yourself and also write down why you feel this way. After a week goes by, read your journal entries and see where the pattern lies. It’s quite revealing and when we write our thoughts down, it allows us to process. For some it is a reflection in which can be rewarding in some ways.

If you are having issues receiving support in anyway check out one of our digital magazines or order a subscription and read up on all the support we provide.

Let me know how the activity goes for you in the comments. This can help someone who reads this blog. Let’s end the stigma one issue at a time by talking about it and finding ways to change!