Here is the gut wrenching reality. Everyone does not care for the holiday season, and that is okay. Typically when you think of celebrating the holidays you think about the dinner spread, laughter, joy and memories that will last a lifetime. You think about who you will see, how college is going for some folks, new relationships and babies that are crying or being carried around from one family member to the next. You think of the lights, the coziness in the house and the love that is immersed in the room. It’s a pretty good feeling, however, not everyone has this experience. Some people are reminded of family drama, unforgiving arguments, unwanted memories, and grief from something or someone they lost in the past. Which is often remised every holiday season.
More times than not people are be forced to be around someone who has hurt them in the past, or feel they are people pleasing because “family” wants them to come, despite how they may feel, (especially if they are young and don’t have a choice in saying where they are going for the holidays). There are also people who are reminded that they do not have the necessary things in order to have a good holiday season. In some instances this is a constant reminder of their short comings. Each year people are experiencing the holiday season for the first time without someone they loved, whether that person transitioned from Earth, or is no longer in communication with them. These feelings are hard to express, especially when society and media displays joyful music, happiness, and family traditions.
So what do you do if this sounds like you? I personally will say, feel those feelings. Too often people suppress their emotions. The response of, “don’t worry about that” or “it’s going to be alright,” is not something people want to hear. And we have to get out of the habit of saying those things. It’s not as if the person doesn’t think it won’t get better, they know that it will. But the feelings are on display and it’s imperative to acknowledge those feelings. And you can do this in one of many ways, express by crying, writing down your thoughts, talking to someone or taking a moment to sit in it. And when that moment is over (I am stressing moment as a few minutes or so). If you know the holidays are not your thing I would also encourage you to seek a therapist if you are not already doing so. Preparing and discussing what’s to come can help and oftentimes we are more concern leading up to the day, than the actual day in itself.
Few activities to follow…
Change the trajectory: you do not have to do what you did in the past. Make new memories with those you are close with, keep in mind this does not have to only be family you can reach out to friends too.
Set boundaries: if a family member wants you to do something whether it’s joining a family event, politely refuse. They should understand, if you feel they deserve an explanation, give it to them. But telling them you want to protect your peace and is good enough.
Volunteer: this can help bring cheer into your life. I encourage you to try it!
Do something untraditional: see a movie that is not focused on the holidays, take yourself on a mini vacation, whether local or travel somewhere warm where you are not reminded of the holidays. Those last minute trips are helpful and can make the best memories.
Do a virtual call: chat with someone online whether it’s someone you haven’t talk to in a while and talk about things that make you laugh!
Listen to your favorite artist: not everyone has a holiday album so you should be okay in listening to music that can put you in another place.
These activities are just a few things that come to mind. Most importantly understand that you are not alone. And we have resources to help you with that. Be sure to let us know which one you engaged in, whether it was a few or all of them!