Over the weekend I spoke to a crowd about Helpful Living Magazine. This was my first time talking in front of an audience about the magazine and explaining the primary goal. I was nervous but the moment I started speaking everything flowed out naturally. I heard the confidence in my voice and even seen a few head nods. A lot of people were intrigued and admitted there was need for our mental health magazine.
The feedback was phenomenal, the vibe was great, and I should be on a high right? But I’m not, it’s interesting to me that I feel this way, but I do. I know I have to address it and figure out where this emotion is coming from. Like many of us, we can do something great and our audience is excited for us, however our feelings inside can go from high to low in a matter of seconds.
I woke up this morning after feeling defeated. It was just this uneasy feeling not thinking that I am good enough. Negative thoughts started to come to mind and I questioned if having a mental health magazine was worth putting my time into. I allowed myself to be in my feelings for a few moments, but shortly after I realized what provoked the negative thoughts. I noticed my activity on Instagram. I finished looking at some pictures and videos and all of a sudden I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I started comparing other people’s success to my own. I witnessed all the glitter and gold, the smiley faces and number of followers and for a few moments I was down.
At that moment I knew I had two options:
1: I could continue to feel bad and compare myself to people on Instagram.
2: I could get myself together and find the beauty in all of my hard work.
The choice may appear obvious but when you are feeling down and out, it can be difficult to choose. As the day went on I reminded myself on why I started what God has envisioned on my life. I understood that people are wishing for a resource like Helpful Living Magazine. So from this moment I made a conscious decision on how much time I will spend on social media. I need to utilize my social media platforms to spread the good news about mental health and the resources that are available.
I am in too deep to turn around and allow some photos on Instagram deteriorate me from my goals. I had to remind myself that social media is a platform where people post their happy times, where there’s laughter and smiles on everyone’s faces. I can’t allow one shot of someone’s life portray my mood. So I reset myself by doing some deep breathing and replace my thoughts by thinking about accomplishments I have completed during the past few months.
What I felt this morning was typical behavior and I know it will not be the last time it happens. But what I will say is that I noticed improvement in my actions. Prior to this morning, if I was feeling bad I would have this feeling all day. I would not want to do anything and be in a negative mood. Yet I was able to have a conversation with myself and talk myself through my feelings.
You may or may not know what provokes your negative thinking, if you do I encourage you to release it, whether you write down your thoughts, talk to someone about it, or do something relaxing. If you are unaware of what inhibits your negative thoughts/behaviors stay attentive to how you are around certain people and how you react when you see things online. Once you acknowledge the triggers you can work on coping skills and provide ways to turn your mood around.
We all have been there so please know that you are not alone.
Let’s Start the Conversation:
If you have experience negative thinking please comment below. What did you do to stop the thinking and what have you learned about your self during the process?