Suicide Hurts

During this time of the year, we notice leaves changing, temperatures decreasing in some areas, and pumpkin spice lattes being the feature drink at a lot of coffee shops. I admire the fall, it reminds me that Earth goes through seasons just like we do, which may not look so desirable, but it is always necessary.

When the seasons change, it can alter a person’s mood. As the hot days diminish and cold nights take over our evenings, this can cause disappointment. Especially for someone who don’t like putting on coats, sweaters, and boots. Either way, seasons changing is good for us because it’s another way to reflect on what we have going on in our own lives.

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and suicide awareness is something we all should think about. COVID-19 has given us the ability to isolate ourselves and become idle to familiar crowds. These moments are critical because our thoughts can take us to a dangerous place, which causes disruptions in our personal life. Our minds can make us believe things that are not true. For example, assuming no one is there for you and that no one cares. That is why self care is important and talking to individuals that value your life is mandatory. Support and awareness can change someone’s perspective overall.

Becoming aware is key. Being sensitive to someone who struggle with suicide is vital and every attempt, comment, or even thought needs to be taken seriously. Not all signs are noticeable but the best thing anyone can do is be attentive, listen, and educated themselves about suicide.

Suicide Statistics from ASFP

• According to AFSP suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States

• In 2018 over 48,000 people died by suicide

• Over one million suicide attempts were made in 2018

Be mindful of different behaviors and check on your friends especially during complicated times. People who “appear” to have it all together are the ones who suffer in silence. They are the ones who are helping so many people meanwhile no one is checking up on them and their wellbeing. When someone completes suicide it hurts so many people, families, friends, and even those who hear about it. Its devastating and causes people to wish they could have done more, or spent a little more time with the person that was successful at committing suicide. Let’s not wait until its too late to have those thoughts on what we could or should have done.

In reference to being a support for someone here are a few things you can do to help those who struggle with suicide.

• Be present: there are times when there is nothing that needs to be said. No words can make a situation better, however your presence speaks louder than words. There is no better feeling than having someone with you going through emotions you can’t explain.

• Listen: this is important. When people vent, or express their feelings they are not looking for answers. They are looking for a safe space to express themselves without criticism or solutions. When people talk it allows them to identify their feelings, therefore when you listen you’re doing just that…allowing them to process.

• Provide Help: ask someone how you can help them. However, when you ask this question don’t look for an immediate answer, and assure them that they don’t have to answer you right away. Their frustration or emotions may not be able to allocate what they want you to do at the moment. But, knowing they have your support helps and can make a world of a difference.

We may not have all the answers and that is okay. However, we can provide support to those we love. Know that understanding is key and when we take the time to learn and become educated on one’s issue, we can provide the support that others are looking for.

How Can We Restart?

August is a bittersweet month for me. I remember the year I graduated from college and August rolled around, I reminisced about packing my car and heading back to school. Over the years, this month reminded me of college for some reason, and now that I am a working adult I can’t help but to think about people going back to school.

August also reminds me of preparing for a “fresh start”. Classes are in session and new goals are on the horizon for the academic school year. In these moments, I reflect on what I was doing a few months back and how I can improve and finish this year off strong.

Now I know with COVID going on things are a little different, but the mindset is still there for me. And it can be there for you as well! We just have to be mindful of where we are mentally and cater to our self-care. When we take care of ourselves, we can navigate through life and become better for those around us. By learning that, I make myself a priority first thing in the morning. I go workout or take a walk. I prefer to do this around the 6AM hour because not too many people are out at this time. The universe is quiet and I can take a moment to appreciate the fresh air and admire nature. Taking an hour or two for myself each morning allows me to be centered with myself, and available for whatever the day may bring. My attitude is better, I drink more water, and most of all I am productive. This is how I reset myself from the night before.

It is a pivotal time for me to RESTART. I took some time to write out what I want to do for the next couple of months. This prepares me for how I want to continue to grow as we gear up for the fall season.

• Implement healthy eating

• Reading material I should engage in

• Toxic things I need to get rid of (ex: candy, food, people etc.)

• Journaling

• Connecting with readers

• Networking with people who have the same mindset

These are my personal goals that I took the time to think about as we are almost near the end of August. It’s vital to “check in” with our goals and figure out what we want our next steps to look like. If we don’t check in on ourselves, who will? The short term goals typically leads to bigger goals and before you know it, you will challenge yourself with unforeseen goals. I often day dream about the day I will stand in front of people to talk about Helpful Living Magazine, or walk in a grocery store or hospital and see the next issue on a magazine stand. I believe it’s possible and I am living like it is going to happen, because it is. However I have to put in the work, otherwise it will be just that…a dream.

I am big on manifestation and the energy we put out there in the world. So I often ask myself, “how can I restart”? What am I lacking currently that I want to gain in the next couple of months? Having these healthy conversations with yourself (or with an accountability partner) alters our way of thinking and provides us to search for the answers.

So I Challenge You

Think about how you want these next couple of months to go. What’s holding you back and how can you better yourself as we enter into the fall season? Tell us about it in the comments, let’s start the conversation on getting a head start. You will be surprise how planning can change your life.

Minority Mental Health Awareness

July starts off with the celebration of the 4th signifying America’s independence, however this year certain holidays we acknowledged in the past does not have much importance in the lives of Black Americans. I am glad we are becoming educated and standing up for our rights. Police brutality is still going on and racial injustice continues as if we are not fighting against it.

This year many people learned the importance of Juneteenth and many Black Americans signifies that day to celebrate our freedom. The 4th signifies America’s independence however slaves were treated as if they didn’t matter. As a Black American I would prefer to celebrate something that signifies my freedom and represents my culture because it shows respect to our ancestors, and pays tribute to labor and disrespect they have faced for hundreds of years.

On the topic of minority, it is relevant to know we still don’t receive adequate treatment as other Americans. Many people who struggle with mental health and live in urban areas are less likely to retrieve substantial treatment. They may be referred to over crowded clinics and have minor discussions with the attending psychiatrist due to the lack of time they are given. Good treatment goes a long way, and it is important for people to not feel like a number or looked at as dollar signs because of their mental illness.

It takes time, patience, and positivity to help someone who is struggling mentally. It can be draining and overwhelming for an extended period of time, however if we don’t stay supportive to our loved ones, who will?

It’s critical to speak up, to ask questions, and to demand good treatment. We should be given that right. We should know what medicines that are being prescribed to use, why they are being prescribed, and different alternatives that play in our favor. Not everyone is subjected to take medication and just the thought of it sounds intimidating. Often times people are given treatment and walk out the clinic not knowing the significance of taking medication or the responsibility of being consistent with treatment. Which can cause confusion and sometimes ambivalence when unexplained side effects occur. Also understanding the social environment we are in, can be critical to their mental health in reference to stability.

It’s time to educate and provide adequate resources for OUR people who are dealing with mental health issues. And when I mean adequate, I am referring to people who have the ability to help. Who have slots available for therapy sessions, and time to educate and provide tools one would need to have a successful mental health journey. We have to do better and not expect others outside our culture to do it for us. They have been dropping the ball for years and it’s common for them to help their “own” as opposed to someone outside of their “culture.” There are good practitioners, bad practitioners, and honest practitioners, how often do you think you will encounter someone that is honest about your mental health treatment?

Engage: do not be afraid to ask for CLARIFICATION. Be sure when you walk out of a session you have a clear understanding of the conversation you had with the practitioner. Also, have people advocate for you, if you have someone as an emergency contact, be sure it is someone who is serious about your mental health treatment. If you have to ask multiple questions and repeat what the practitioner said, do so. Do anything necessary to make sure you and your practitioner is on the same page.

Be Honest: there are times when you are in session you will be asked to do homework, be serious about doing it and be honest about how you felt about it. HONESTY IS ONE OF THE WAYS YOU WILL GET ACCURATE FEEDBACK! Sometimes we feel ashamed when we don’t do our homework. Be honest about that. If you had a rough week or you didn’t have a chance to get to it, tell your practitioner and that is something you two can talk about. Time management might be one of your struggles and you can use that time to discuss ways to navigate time in order to complete tasks.

Ask for Help: some of us feel as if we can accomplish everything without help. THIS IS NOT TRUE, we all need help or a little push at some point in our lives. Make sure you ask for additional support, like an accountability partner. Someone you can trust and be your authentic self with. It’s critical to have support in addition to a practitioner to help you on your mental health journey.

We live in a world where it is a sensitive time for Black Americans. We are in a dual pandemic with COVID-19, police brutality, and social injustice. It’s time we get the help that we need, from the people we need it from the most. Be sure to be unapologetic when it comes to your MENTAL HEALTH TREATMENT, it only helps prepare you for a better future.

Your Mental Health Needs Attention

It’s nice to see the sun and flowers blooming this season. This month is critical because we acknowledge men health. Which also includes mental wellness have been converse commonly on social media. In additional we also acknowledge Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD Day June 27th. People are not sure what to do, how to spend birthdays, and upcoming holidays while practicing social distancing. It become a challenge wanting to embrace love ones with a hug or a kiss, (especially our mother figures) to show them how much we care and appreciate them.

Zoom and video calls are good but for some its starting to wear down and just being in the presences of your loved ones is the only thing that seems to be efficient enough. I noticed people are doing their best by walking outside, planting in their garden, or completing an overdue project. Now that we are almost two months in we are running out of things to do.

Isolation is difficult for some people and thoughts can trigger our mind. It’s good to be around people because certain individuals relaxes our mind, makes us feel better, and give us the extra support when we are having troubling thoughts going through our mind.

I want to encourage you to go the extra mile in self-care. Some people will get their hair, nails, or even a massage for self-care treatment but I want you to dig a little deeper than that. I want you to think of what you can do internally to better yourself for the rest of this month.

This could be a variety of things but it stem from internal issues that can be a challenge, especially during this time of the year.

Reflection: think of where you want to be in the next three months. It doesn’t have to be anything drastic, you could want a better attitude, be more understanding, listen without responding, or communicate effectively. Think about how you talk to or with others. Do you cut them off, do you not say enough? Are you easily convinced, or are you quick to argue? Write down how your conversations have been in the last week or think of a recent encounter that you did not think went so well. Find out how you can get better with communicating with others.

5 Tips to Tackling COIVD -19 for Your Mental Wellness

For weeks, Americans all over the country sat in front of their TV screens engrossed in the news of the Corona Virus or COVID-19. People are forced to stay home as companies acted fast. Governors forced stay at home orders and shut down a lot of businesses. Bars, restaurants, libraries, churches, and any place where people congregate are closed to avoid any spreading of the Corona Virus. Parents are obligated to work and parent under one roof, as schools and daycare shut their doors to non essential employees. This can make homestyle living a little…hectic.

A lot of people were excited to work from home as they depend on technology in a new way. Companies hosting conference calls online as they continue to pursue ongoing workloads. Some glitches and hiccups occur but as organizations transition communicating digitally conversations becomes easier each day. However, balancing parenthood and being an active employee comes with its challenges. It’s not easy and a break sounds nearly impossible nowadays. The limitations of going to the park or outside is difficult, especially when the nation has to practice social distancing. To top it off stores are closed significantly early along with a state wide curfew for some states starting at 8:00pm.

Now more than ever, our mental wellbeing is challenged. Especially for extroverts who love to be around people. There’s a sense of acceptance and protection when we are with the people we love. Laughter is the best medicine and at this point we have to work a little harder to maintain relationships outside of our home.

It is easy to become isolated from everyone. This can cause issues for those who struggle mentally. Separation can trigger thoughts, which can lead to a path of depression and/or anxiety. Be mindful how you spend your idle time, if negative thoughts become an ongoing issue talk to someone about it. And honestly, you don’t have to be dealing with anything negative, just reaching out to someone to discuss your feelings has its benefits. This is the best time to talk to someone, and now with technology if you don’t have to see a therapist in person. And with the America practicing social distancing the best way to deal with your issues is virtually. Better Help is a place where you can go find a therapist if you haven’t already located one.

Therapist are having conversations with their clients about virtual therapy. And for some clients its the best alternative. Being in your own environment is helpful, especially during this time for our country. Commonly people struggle with keeping appointments with busy schedules. Limited availability before and after work hours are slim and connecting with the right therapist can be difficult, but with Better Help there is an alternative to tackling your mental health.

5 Tips to Tackling COIVD -19 for Your Mental Wellness

Take Walks: if you are working from home, it’s important to step away from the computer and take your mind off of work for a few minutes. Staring at as screen is not ideal. Sadly we are on our phones, watching television, or on the computer more than ever. Take time to give your eyes a rest. Spring is here and what way to enjoy it than to be outside. The walk can be as short as five minutes or as long as an hour, however long you decide to be outside…enjoy it.

Meditate: this allows us to focus on our breathing and try to control the thoughts we have running through our heads. There are so much uncertainty we are dealing with regarding “quarantine living”. Mindfulness has a website where they practice meditation. It is easy to join and most importantly it’s free. Schedule time out of your day to meditate and if you are having issues with separating yourself with you children, they can partake in it as well.

Call A Loved One: I recently checked on my grandmother and it was so good to hear her voice. Daily live demands us to take care of the things and people in front of us, like our spouse and children, however it leaves little room for us to check on our older relatives. My grandmother was just as excited as I was when she picked up the phone. We talked about the old times and conversed about wisdom. Calling her made me happy and she was vocal about being happy hearing from me. Just knowing someone was on your mind is always a good feeling, and the feelings is commonly mutual.

Schedule Family Time: this may be the opposite of what you want to do. But making family time a priority could promote to positive interactions. Watching a movie together on the big screen, popping some popcorn and having a movie night is great for families. Have a game night or doing an activity can boost positive energy and allow you to engage with each other without the noise of social media or any other distractions. LifeAsMama website has some activities that can help you build a closer and better bond with your family.

Get Dressed: I make an intentional decision to get dressed and put clothes on. I stay away from my bedroom and go downstairs to work. I also get my son dressed and ready as if he was going to daycare. It is something about getting out of our sleep clothes that helps us with our day. If we stay in bed (or at least I know if I do) it allows us to feel lazy and unproductive. We have to continue to do our best to look good, because looking good makes us also feel good. A nice hot shower and some clean clothes is a great way to start the day. As well as a balanced meal. Don’t be a couch potato, have some productivity and target one goal for the day. If that goal is to get through your emails…then do it. If it’s to help your child with their schoolwork…then do that too. Be certain to accomplish any goal. No goal is too small and the feeling of accomplishing things is a great feeling overall.

I found things that I have neglected over the years. I cleaned the linen closet, the coat closet, and even under the sink cabinet. Those are places I often ignore and when I was able to declutter and noticed the improvement, which made me I feel better.

ChangeDirection.org has a list of ways to stay mentally healthy during the Corona Virus. Be sure to read and apply the skills to have a better feeling. Also, for those who do not have anything to do. Please know there are education courses at Yale. Take advantage of this education and occupy your mind with well needed information. You can also get a certificate for only $49. So while you are quarantine in your home, you will also receive education from Yale. This is something to brag about.

Oh and most importantly do not immerse yourself with the news or social media regarding the Corona Virus. Having an obsession can cause additional or unwanted anxiety. There is nothing wrong with watching the news here and there, however being glued to the television will not change the situation. So stay safe, remember to be aware of your surroundings and practice the tips listed above.

We will get through this.

I hope this information was helpful. Be safe and stay healthy.

I Understand Why You Want to Give Up

“I am sorry we are not accepting any new patients at this time.” 

If you are a victim to this, it is safe to say you got off the phone disappointed or discourage to seek treatment. You possibly called a few clinics for the last couple of days just to hear the same statement more than once. Leaving you more frustrated and confused about the mental health system. 

“Contact your insurance company”

Another statement that is widely used and sorta helpless. You call and may be on hold for a few minutes, follow the prompts and let the representative know who you are and confirm you are not trying to be someone else. All to give you a list of clinicians who may not take your insurance, not the right place, or once again not accepting new patients. 

After a number of failed attempts, you start to think, “my thoughts were not that terrible, maybe I was having a bad day,” you may consult with a friend, and because you “appeared fine” to them, seeing a therapist gets brushed off. They may reassure you that you were having a bad day and talking about it to them was all you needed to do. You might even go online and read a few articles about coping skills and how to manage your stress. You then think, “I can do that, I don’t need to see anyone just for them to tell me this.” And life continues. 

Until another road block... 

Then you find yourself at an emergency room or in front of a police officer who tells you, you need to get evaluated for psychiatric treatment. They might even sell it to you and tell you that you are going to go to the hospital, talk to a few people and go home the same day. Only hours your find yourself admitted into a psychiatric unit waiting to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. (Sadly this happens way too often). Hopefully this has not happened or won’t happen to you. I agree the mental health system, police and emergency departments need to do better.

It may not have seemed like a big deal before, but too much time has passed and the behaviors can no longer be ignored. You become terrified of going into a psychiatric hospital all because of the movies you seen, or what society says about “crazy people” in an asylum. But you tried to get help, you called just like you were supposed to, you even reached out to the insurance companies and called clinics back to be on their waiting list, but no success was made. You become mad at the system because you are in a facility filled with people you “think” are crazy, only to realize they need a little bit of help, just like you.   

I heard this story more than once when I worked at a psychiatric hospital. People would tell me their stories and how they didn’t belong there…you know with the “crazies,” I assured them that our patients were people who needed some help and that’s what we were there for. To help. Some people became receptive to treatment after a day or two, and others…well not so much. They fought tooth and nail about being behind locked doors and refused to take any medication until they had an epiphany during one of the coping skills groups. 

I often wondered why it was so hard to accept treatment. However, I had to realize their journey prior to our encounter. What they experience and went through was something I had no idea about. Their life story and how they were treated growing up, all came down to a point where they sat in front of me with hopeless looks in their eyes. The thought of hurting yourself may sound crazy to others, but at that moment, the time where life seemed to have nothing left to offer, appeared to be the right choice to make.  

I am glad you stayed. 

I completely understand the frustration when scheduling an appointment. For seven years my job was designated to schedule follow ups appointment for clients leaving the psychiatric hospital. I did this all day for eight hours, mastering the craft and helping people with one less thing they had to worry about once they received their discharge papers.  I made connections with outpatient providers, talked to clients and discussed what was best for them, once their inpatient stay became a memory. I attended to their issues to find ways to implement follow up care to match their mental health needs. It becomes complicated on so many levels but I was up for the challenge. Majority of psychiatric practitioners have, a three month waiting list, which is disturbing for people who receive a thirty day supply of psychiatric medications, with no refills. 

I understand the turnaround. 

I also understand the relapse in treatment because there is not enough support in the mental health community. Offices are overbooked and therapist are even complicated to get a concrete appointment with. All of this is going on while being emotionally unstable and unaware of what the outcome may be. Not to add, being in the same environment which may as well be the initial reason for the mental health breakdown. 

I get it. 

It’s complicated and that is why I created Helpful Living Magazine. It’s a resource, for people to connect. To read other stories and have access to the life of others as they talk about one of the most vulnerable moments of their life. Our goal is to give you hope, to connect readers with that therapist that wrote an article about the very thing you struggle with. To get a glimpse of who they are and understand how they can help you. 

I am tired of the lack of services when it comes to mental health access. There are so many people in this world that have issues mentally, it’s time to stop throwing it under the rug and wishfully thinking that it will go away. 

Because it won’t. 

It’ Called Self-What?

It’s called self-care and yes you need it!

We all do. As a matter of fact I don’t know how we made it this far in life without it. I know you read a lot about self-care online or even in community groups. It’s a topic that should never go away, because we all need to be reminded on the importance of taking care of ourselves. 

You know how routine it is to take care of our children, go to work, cook, clean, help with homework, and put them to bed?  (Sheesh, I’m exhausted just by typing). We do this on a daily all to go to bed and wake up and do it all over again. It’s a struggle out here for us parents, and “adulting” does not get easier, especially if we continue to ignore ourselves. We get in this routine lifestyle and think this is how life is. We might sneak off and do something here and there, but self-care is something we have to be intentional about. 

It’s hard to think we have to schedule time for ourselves, but this is the world we live in. When we “pencil” ourselves in we can carve out some time and you will be surprise what happens when you start with that. Allow that time to be for you and NOONE else. If you are having trouble, I am glad you stopped by because you will leave with a little bit more information to help you get back to making sure “you are okay”. 

 So what is Self-Care you ask? 

      Its anything we do intentionally to take care of ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally.   

This is what can get ignored especially when it comes to our mental and emotional health because it’s not anything we can physically see. No one can walk up to you and say oh, I see you’re emotionally and mentally drained, let me help you with that. Now if you look disheveled and appear to be tired then the physical part of you is noticed…yes, but it takes for someone to talk to you to see or hear that you are emotionally or mentally drained. 

I know sometimes I feel like I cut myself short because I don’t get a chance to take a break. I go into work mode during the day and then mommy mode when I pick our son up from daycare in the evenings. By the time I get him settled into bed, I am too tired to do anything. I may watch a show, or pay a few bills but after that it’s on to bed to prepare for the next day. I needed a break from this routine. It’s pretty obvious this structure is not going anywhere. Our son has to eat, go to daycare, and receive attention at home. I have to go to work to make sure the bills are paid and to provide food for our family, so not working is inevitable. I started to feel like I was getting robbed. I would question, “is this what my world has come down to?”I noticed a change in my mood and became easily frustrated, especially since my husband kept himself busy. He was able to leave when he wanted to or spend time with friends, kick back and engage in sports. But why wasn’t I? That’s when I realized he was living intentionally and putting himself on a schedule and I was still on the routine track. So I knew I had to do something, and by doing so I started with a list.

 Here are a few things I did to help create some time for self-care.  

1.    Created A List: 

Who knew this was important? I didn’t think a list mattered in my life. I wrote down all the things I liked to do when I was by myself. I had to really think because it has been some time since it was just me. Some of the things I came up with were: listen to music, go to a museum, read a book, go to the salon, exercise, get a massage, take a walk, or go to the mall. Those kinds of things made me feel at peace. I jot this down in my planner and moved on to the next step. 

2.    Find Time: 

This might be the tricky part, but it is possible. I looked on the calendar to see what day I was available. I spoke to my husband to see if he can pick up our son for my self-care day. I looked at the entire month and read all the things I had to do. There were days I was able to choose from and I put myself down on the day I felt was best. After talking to my husband about it I assured I would have a day to myself and not have to worry about anything or anyone else. 

3.    Reach Out: 

Finding childcare can be a challenge sometimes. I know, and not everyone has someone designated to watch their little one(s). It’s critical to you and your health to have a friend or family member to help out when it comes to your needs. If you cannot find someone, try to schedule a mental health day, or PTO while your child or children are in school. There may be a day when you have a doctor’s appointment and you have to leave work early, fit some time in for yourself. However, if you can reach out to someone, this would be ideal. You may have a friend who has issues with finding childcare too, reach out to that person and see if you two can take turns when it comes to your self-care days. 

4.    Stick to the Plan:

That’s right stick to it! If you planned a self-care day, make sure you use it! Look at your list and figure out what you want to do for that day. If you can only do one you are one step ahead. If you can only spend a hour or two at the salon then do one thing and the next time do another thing on your list. It’s refreshing and rewarding knowing you were able to do something even if it’s going to get a cup of coffee and people watch. Enjoy and live in the moment.

5.    Do it Again: 

This is so important. If you don’t remember anything else remember to plan another self-care day. If you can do it weekly or monthly then so be it, but PUT YOURSELF ON SCHEDULE! This allows you to have something to look forward to, even if it’s once a month. It’s kind of like when you countdown to vacation from work…only its vacation from your daily routine! 

Each time you have a self-care day I encourage you to write down how it has made you feel. Write down your thoughts before and after your first self-care day, and follow up with the next one. See if there’s any improvement in your mood. You will start to feel like you are putting yourself first again, even if it’s for a few hours. Sometimes the hardest part is getting started, but I assure you once you get one self-care day in, you will be sure to find time for another one. Also, if you are going to the salon, make an appointment instead of doing a walk-in, that way you can assure that you will be seen at that time and it makes the appointment more of a luxury as opposed to rushing because you have to get back home. This was a valuable lesson I learned and I refuse to do any walk-in appointments from here on out. Your time is important and even if it is for yourself, you have to make sure people respect it. 

Mental Note Assignment: start planning for your self-care day. Let me know how it went or how you feel about it. Let me know how it works out and if you are having any difficulties reach out to me! I would love to help.

A Conversation Can Change A LIFE

I often wonder how my life would have been if I had someone to rely on for support. Truthfully, I don’t think I would have struggled as long as I did.

If someone had been available to listen to my problems as I struggled with the reality of becoming a young adult. Or listen to me struggle through my first heartbreak, and faced the challenges of God cutting people out of my life, indefinitely. I didn’t have that conversation with anyone, as a matter of fact, no one came to mind because everyone was living their life. Friends and family had so much going and talking to me was draining. People had their own issues and mines was just not a priority.

The thoughts of not being here started to become clear. People didn’t want to hear what I had to say anyway, so why bother, right? 

To be quite honest, I am glad I didn’t listen to my thoughts. I am proud of myself for regaining focus and identifying my purpose in life. I knew my purpose was bigger than any failed relationship I was dealing with at the time. I choose me, to live my truth, and to press forward despite the hardship and lonely nights that came with it.  

After undergrad I came up with the bright idea to move out of Pennsylvania. I wanted a new life, not realizing I was taking myself away from my support system. I didn’t think nor cared about that at the time. I just knew I wanted a fresh start and moving to a new state was what I had in mind. I was a college grad and came into the workforce during The Recession. It ended in June of 2009 but the effects were at an all-time high for a college kid with no promising career.  The minimal income barely was enough to pay the bulk of my bills and I had to work overtime just to get by. Going back home to visit family was just a thought, and a pain that irritated my stomach especially around the holidays.  My daily pattern consisted of me coming home from work and getting right in the bed. Dinner was an afterthought. I wanted to soak in my sorry and I didn’t care what that meant to my body.  

Thoughts will get the best of you

Our thoughts can lead us down a dark path to destruction, however I was in the right place at the right time. The were some benefits to working at a psychiatric hospital and staying busy was not one of them. I learned so much about myself and obtain useful information, one which some of us know as coping sklls. And yes I was a psychology major and had experience working with people in the mental health field, however when it’s you, those thoughts that circulate in your head feels different. I had to find my reason for living, I had to get back into my purpose and that did not happen overnight. There was a part of me that wanted to stay sad, feel hopeless, and depressed and it took a while for those emotions to diminish. It took patience and perseverance to want to do better. The road appears to be inaccessible when you feel hopeless but I was able to pull myself together by the grace of God on my side.

Consistency is key but first we have to get there

I didn’t understand the importance of active listening until I was forced to do so. At worked we had to take notes and conduct staff talks. We talked with the patients about their day and be the soundboard they needed at that moment. Some staff talks were brief but most time consuming, but in a good way. I knew patients wanted to talk and get whatever they were stressing about off of their minds. Some of them were looking for advice while others wanted the support. Our main focus was to listen to what they were saying and report our conversation, the goal was for the psychiatrist to read the notes and see if the conversations coincide with their behaviors. As I listened to people talk about their struggles, losing their job, house, spouse, children, and whatever else life threw at them I became attentive, and the desire to want to help others grew intensively.

We need it more than you think. 

Discussions about mental health awareness is spreading across the country. People are open to talking about mental health and wanting to understand the dynamics and what it entails. More individuals are coming forward and connecting with others who are vocal about their illness. Taking a mental health day from work and learning the importance of self-care is highly encouraged and people are becoming comfortable stating when they need one. There are social media post, podcast, and blogs, about depression, anxiety, bipolar, and a list of countless mental health disorders at the disposal of everyone’s fingertips. It’s a priority that needs to be addressed and to be honest I am intrigued to see what lies ahead for the mental health community.  

The value of SUPPORT.

After finding hope in my own life, building confidence, and creating structure only prompt me to want to help others. I figured if people in the hospital felt like this, imagine how many people are living without hope that don’t get through those hospital doors. It takes a lot for someone to seek help, to admit that they are broken and need that boost of assurance to reenter into their life. It takes GUTS to surrender and not a lot of people are willing to do that WHEN they have believe their status will be judged. 

Support can change a life, as a matter of fact it WILL change a life. There are 24 hours in a day and after you spend an hour with your therapist, psychiatrist, or any mental health professional you still have the rest of the day to tackle. Who can you count on to help you during your darkest hour, to check up on you, or make sure your thoughts are not triggered?

Support doesn’t have to come with advice and it doesn’t have to know all the answers. Support is when someone is simply there not passing judgement and letting you know they will go through life with you, every step of the way. 

Community Conversation 

What support do you need? Are you are support to someone? Do you know what it takes to provide help to someone who struggles mentally?   

Your Awareness is My Awareness: Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Many of us know about Breast Cancer Awareness month. Many commercials, billboards, and advertisement is discussed throughout the year. Many of us know individuals who were effected by breast cancer. It’s a great moment for some but a devastating reminder for others.  People reminisce the journey their loved one took prior to saying their final goodbye’s. It can be a bunch of mixed emotions especially for those whose wounds are not yet healed. It’s important we check on our family members and occupy the space they need at this time. 

In addition to Breast Cancer Awareness, we have other awareness like Domestic Violence Awareness and Health Awareness. Some people do not like to go to the doctors, or downplay any pain they may be feeling. I know we can’t change individuals but when we have conversations and provide people with information, this may help when it comes to seeking professional help about healthcare. Encourage others to get physicals, check-ups, and the importance of having a dedicated primary care physician. There are a lot of men, (especially in the black community) that do not believe medical maintenance is important. I encourage you to ask a few men in your family if they have a primary care physician, and if they do ask when was the last time they had a physical? You would be surprise by the response and for many of our young men, they believe they are okay, therefore they don’t engage in preventative care. 

Domestic Violence happens in our communities, whether you know it or not. There are shelters and programs for victims, however additional information is strongly encouraged. I went to a public place and in the bathroom stall there was information about domestic abuse. I thought that was such a brilliant idea to have this information in a common yet secret area. It’s are time to make the awareness known, have the number in your phone and available for someone if the conversation comes up. Be an advocate for someone who is experiencing domestic violence, and allow that person to know they have support. Domestic Violence hotline number is 1−800−799−7233 their website is located here.

22 Ways to Help a Friend with Breast Cancer-Health

There are things we need to remember when we have friends that are struggling with any issues. 

Be There:  this may sound like a no brainer but being in someone’s presence is valuable. You don’t have to lecture them, or tell them your story. Just allow them to have the space and opportunity to express how they feel IF THEY WANT TO. Don’t try to beat it out of them or over talk them if/when they decide to express themselves. This is critical because over talking someone can disturb their thinking. I had to learn how to hold my thoughts whenever someone is speaking, this is not always an easy task, however if you are aware of it, you can stop yourself from interrupting someone’s thoughts. You never know, that might be their one moment they truly express how they feel. So be mindful. 

Be Kind: don’t go asking a thousand and one questions. This can be disturbing. What matters most is your motives. We all have been in a situation when we don’t want to hear harsh words right? So respect others and be considered of their feelings. 

Show Action: if you say you are going to do something then do it. Simple as that, no if’s and’s or but’s about it. No one likes someone who makes broken promises. If you tell someone you are available for whatever they need be sure to stick to your word. Don’t turn that person away when/if they ask you for help, especially if you offered to do so! 

No Judgement: some people may already feel shameful, they don’t know what to do and they may be at a point where they are nervous to ask for help. Sometimes people don’t want to feel like a charity case. Watch your body language and facial expressions when people open up to share what they are dealing with. We have to be mindful that people are sensitive, we ourselves alone are sensitive, so let’s consider people’s thoughts and embrace them for choosing us to open up to. 

Find ways to ask someone “how can I help” and leave it at that. Don’t badger them about the situation and remember they can talk about it once they are ready to. We live in a world of instant gratification, so at times we want to know something right now. However this is not one of those moments. If someone tells you that they don’t need anything or can’t think of a way that you can help them, ask them again at a later time in life. Remind them that you are there and explain how you can help them is important to you. 

 Our social support says a lot about us individually, and it also says a lot about those who have good support systems. People who have others they can depend on appears to have positive outcomes. They are motivated to go to the doctors and follow up on treatment. They are willing to express themselves and know they have a people that will give them valid views and information. They are also happier than someone who do not have anyone to turn to.

Make sure you are that person’s support system. Also, make sure you have a stable support system in return. There should be at least one person you can depend on, think about that person and after you read this call them and thank them for being a good supporter in your life. 

 Let’s continue the conversation: 

Who is a part of your support system? How do they help you and what do you do to help others you support?

It's Easy to Cheat

Some of you may wonder why a wife and mother would talk about this. But in fact I ask…why not? We all do it at some point in our lives, others do it more than most. I actually think this is a topic we need to talk about. Besides, who wants to keep ending with the same results…unsatisfied. 

For some who are still at a lost I am talking about cheating on yourself. We set goals at the top of our morning, just to put it off for the next day. Or how about we work so hard for a few days and then stop when we feel like the hard work was enough. It’s never enough, even when you accomplish your goals you still have more hard work to do in order to be satisfied. 

With that being said. We all have goals. 

But how often are we attaining to them? That’s why it’s important to stay grounded and around other people who are “passion pushers”. These are the ones that will help you push your purpose. They get excited when you talk about your plans and find ways to brainstorm with you. They want to see you win and they are not all in it for themselves. I’ve learned over the last few weeks how much I have cheated on myself and I was baffled. It takes being intentional to work on your goals and yourself. It takes disciple and for those who became successful had to sit out on a party or two, or had to take a rain check to meet a group of friends for dinner. It takes patience and willingness to be determined even when the results don’t come into play. 

I eat. 

I put myself on a lifestyle change by not eating meat. I also workout continuously and seen some improvement in my running and other cardio exercise. However, I would cheat here and there, eating something I don’t have no business consuming. Not eating meat made it difficult to get full from time to time. I would find myself eating cakes, cookies, sweets, and other things that were not green and leafy. I got tired of having this sweet tooth that I knew if I wanted to lose the weight I had to refrain from eating sugar…bottom line. I still struggle to this day, but I know each day I have to be intentional to not want to cheat myself by indulging in chocolate or anything that pertains sugar. 

I procrastinate.

People know me as a go getter. I started this magazine last year with just an idea and had the first issue published in at the top of this year. But I have a tendency to be hesitant to email someone back or set a price for a magazine. One of the reasons is because I am nervous and afraid of the response, which leads to procrastination. I will think of other things to do in the house until I am ready to answer an email. (Now I won’t let it sit for too long, but the excitement turns into fear). And I know if I am dealing with this someone else is too. Being fearful of what can happen leads to nothing moving. I think everyone becomes nervous or fearful when it’s time to present their craft, because of the unexpected. Just think about the moment you had to give your first presentation. You probably didn’t want to do it, or was scared that you would stumble over your words, but the satisfaction after it was over is what we all wait for. Why put in the hard work not to present? That’s what I have to remind myself sometimes when it comes to Helpful Living Magazine, I put in so much time, recruiting articles, talking to different people and conducting interviews, all to let it sit on my computer and not be shared with the world? I think not. 

I desire. Therefore I deliver. 

When I noticed my vision I witness what it could do for people. I opened my turquoise notebook and started writing. The ideas were limitless and each point I became excited. I had a feeling in my soul that this was right, and it was only a matter of time before people discovered what I do. I had it all brainstormed and even laid out my articles for the first issue, I had prospects and I knew it was only a matter of time before I reached out. I met with people, made new friendships, and discovered new ways to help those who are dealing with mental health issues. Boy was I excited, and I had every right to be. No one that I knew was doing this and I knew I wanted to break barriers and change someone’s life. 

But then the desire dwindled and one thing led to another, I got busy, but the desire was at the back of my mind. And that’s what happens to a lot of people who pursue to push their purpose. We all have been there before. It’s called life. We get tired from time to time and struggle with having the energy to make that phone call or write that blog post. Despite how we feel we have to live purposefully and allocate time to complete our daily task.

So now it’s your turn.

 Are you tired of cheating? Doesn’t it get exhausting after having the same end result? So what are you going to do about it? Some people find it difficult to gain clarity of be around people that have the same desires. If that is the case I say get involved in a Facebook group or go on Meetup.com and see if there is a space where you can link up with likeminded individuals. It’s worth the effort and you never know, someone may spark an interest that you leased expected for your business venture. 

So live intentionally and even if it’s just a 30 minutes to an hour a day, be sure you do something pertaining to building your business. Think of things that you can stop doing (like watching TV or idle time on social media) use that time to focus on your goals. And even if you are a TV connoisseur find time in between commercials to make a post, send an email, or write that blog. Trust me, there are people out there that are waiting for your purpose to flourish. The world is waiting and what better way to start than right now. The change starts with you! 

 Conversation Starter: 

What changes have you made over the years? What are some things that you want to work on or change about yourself?