Millennials are in a space where we are growing our families, creating or living in our careers, and being challenged daily by the internet. All generations are apparently going through this but one thing that is certain, this gentle parenting did not come with any guidance from the older generation!
We want our children to express themselves, be honest with their feelings, and let us know when something is off. Back in the day…whether you agree or not, some families didn’t allow children to express their feelings. We didn’t have jobs or bills so to have the audacity to say how we felt was non existent. It was commonly told to stay in a child’s place. I remember I said something was getting on my nerves and my aunt said I was “too young to have nerves”. I don’t know why that always stuck with me but it did. Ironically, I didn’t have bills at the time, but I had feelings and emotions that sadly no one considered. And now I know that I am not alone.
So for all my millennials who are focusing on gentle parenting but sometimes get frustrated, know that you are not in this by yourself. Sometimes those old ways slip out because we attend to go back to what we are used to even if it’s unhealthy. The yelling may come out or the words like I don’t care about your feelings may blurt out. But even if it comes out before you can catch yourself, remember to regroup and take some space, and apologize because our little ones also deserve respect. And it’s time we normalize that.
3 ways to be vulnerable
Identify their feelings: it is sooooo important to show empathy and display understanding to children. Do not dismiss…I repeat do not dismiss their feelings. Showing empathy helps them feel connecting and safe to open up. When you say, I understand what you are going through, inform them on how you understand and be genuine about it.
Share stories: when you children open up to you it’s important to do the same. You can do this by sharing childhood stories and life lessons. This will help them learn more about you and come to you when they are faced with challenges. Tell them how things were growing up and the difficulties during your childhood and how you made mistakes as well. Being relatable and having an understanding mindset shows vulnerability.
Apologize: saying "I’m sorry” and meaning it goes a long way. Children deserve to hear people apologize to them when they are wrong. We are human and we all make mistakes. But it’s important to hold accountability. We want our children to be accountable and we have to set the example. It’s critical and needed!
It’s hard for us sometimes to think the little person navigating life has a voice. We attend to think we speak for them and WE ARE their voice, in fact, we are to a certain extent. It is our responsibility to have their back and support them but not solely speak FOR THEM. We are guiding and preparing them for their future. What we do now, how we treat them and the things they are going through currently will be their stories and the foundation of their behaviors when they get older. Our voice becomes their consciousness and that’s a big responsibility to have, so we need to use it wisely.
Their mental health matters! We don’t want to raise them up only for them to go to therapy as adults trying to heal from the drama we caused. All because we were in our feelings or felt that we always had to get the last word. It’s challenging living life period, with all the demands and roadblocks we face. However, we have the ability to change our situation, whereas our children do not especially at a young age. They have to live with the decisions we make and still follow rules and listen to what we want or need them to do. We may not have all the answers but showing vulnerability is important and helpful as we set the example for our little ones.
Learning this is helpful and can be a jumpstart to a healthy and healing relationship with your children, students, peers, or anyone! For more tips check out our magazine issues. We have digital and physical copies. Each issue is packed with advice, recommendations, and programs Let me know if this was helpful!