And that’s okay. I’ve come to grips knowing that everything in life is not going to be peaches and cream. Not every friendship will last and relationships with family members will tarnish. Spending time alone may be something that becomes the norm the older you get and I will be the first one to tell you that is okay…because it is! Life has a way of throwing a lot at us ( so much more than the shade that people throw at us on social media ). Despite what society says your life is YOURS and it’s all in what you make it, and what you consider to be perfect.
I struggle with change in more ways then one. Transitioning to a new job, having a baby, and fighting against time daily is draining. It’s my new reality and when we are face with changes we have two options we migrate to, we either, complain or conquer. And to be honest option one is typically my go to, but then I have to get myself together and say “you know what…you got this”. I have to have meetings with myself and say “no not today devil, there is no room to entertain your today.”
But over the last few months, the devil had me thinking. I was feeling sorry for myself. I haven’t been able to get out the house or work out. I come home from work and do what is required and it’s the same thing day after day. This new schedule is driving me insane, which makes me feel like I’m existing. There are fun moments in my life but that’s it. Once Monday morning comes its back to work sitting at a cubical taking in calls and hearing people yell at me when they are not happy with the results. I just don’t understand it I did what was required or what society said I needed to do in order to be successful, so why do I feel this way? Why do I feel drain and unaccomplished, why does it seem like everyone’s life is better than mines? I struggle with these thoughts daily and that’s just in the morning! I haven’t even got to the afternoon yet!
Every time I think about giving up on a goal, there is someone from somewhere telling me to keep going. What I want to do seems nearly impossible, but I once heard a preacher say trusting God can make you shake hands with the impossible. (Thank you Pastor William Curtis) So what does that mean? I know things what I’m suppose to do and I do those things however, I struggle with being happy. The enemy is extremely busy and he will use any bit of idle moments to filled your head with thought of uncertainties and doubt.
Fun Fact: You have to remember why your started
There are so many people doing great things in the world. That goes to shows me that I can accomplish my goals as well. I’m no different than the person who is successful, I just have to put my mind to it and block the negativity. I have to say “No Satan not today” and keep rolling with the punches. God gives me these visions and throughout the day I feel the enemy gives me a thousand and one reasons why that vision can’t happen.
I hear this: “you’re wasting your time, go do something else, this is not going to work” or I’ll instantly have a bad day, deteriorating me from blessing others and do the work God attended for me to do. I am not perfect as a matter of fact I’m no where near perfect I am probably at the end of the spectrum when it comes to perfectionism, but each day I am reminded that God has my life and I must try my best to live the way He intended for me to live.
And I’m okay with that!
Jamie